The World Has Become Kinder to Her - Chapter 16

‘I don’t know why, but in this life, I don’t want to get involved with you.’

Having been worn down by many people and experiences, she no longer had the heart or the energy to love anyone.

In the past, after her unrequited love for Rikheus, she had felt some affection for Kenneth, but that was all. Now, she was simply exhausted.

‘Have you ever seen a noble’s marriage happen out of love, except in rare cases?’

A voice inside whispered to Lotus.

Whether or not she had feelings for Kenneth was secondary; if she accepted his proposal, she could escape this suffocating mansion. 

A marriage to him would be far better than the political marriages the Marquis of Estelle would soon suggest.

Kenneth was young, capable, and gentlemanly. Plus, although we had only tried once, our physical compatibility wasn’t bad either.

‘But you deserve to spend your first night with someone who loves you in this life too. If I ruin your life again, I’ll truly be a terrible person.’

Lotus apologized in her heart and spoke aloud in a cold voice.

“…I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same. May I take my leave? I still feel a little dizzy from yesterday’s exhaustion.”

“I apologize for making you uncomfortable.”

Kenneth’s voice sounded deflated.

“There’s no need to apologize.”

“But I won’t give up.”

“I have nothing more to say.”

Unlike in the past when Kenneth had yielded to her demands, Lotus couldn’t accept his plea this time.

A faint sense of guilt began to rise within her.

“I just wanted to express my feelings.”

There was a lingering sincerity in his voice, but since Lotus had no need to know why, she continued walking away.

She declined Frederick’s offer to escort her to her bedroom and shook off Kenneth’s persistent gaze.

Jane followed behind Lotus, while the maids began tidying up the drawing room, casting uneasy glances at each other. The knights, too, withdrew with awkward expressions.

Only when she reached her bedroom did tears begin to fall from Lotus’s green eyes. 

Silently crying, biting her lip, was her specialty—or perhaps it wasn’t, but she had mastered it. If someone like her were caught crying, it wouldn’t elicit sympathy, only make her appear more pathetic, so her tears had to remain soundless.

‘Just leave me alone!’

The kindness she didn’t understand, the unwarranted approaches—they only burdened her, causing her pain and fear.

‘Why is everyone doing this to me? What do they want from someone who has nothing?’

Lotus had been tense in the drawing room the entire time. Now that Kenneth and Frederick were out of sight, her body relaxed, and she collapsed to the floor like a puppet with its strings cut.

Though her body felt weak, Lotus’s mind was still working, analyzing the recent situation as she had always done to survive. Like a fragile herbivore constantly on the lookout for predators.

How contradictory. Her miserable body wanted to die, yet it also clung to life.

‘There’s something going on between Kenneth and Frederick that I don’t know about.’

Frederick’s attitude aside, Kenneth wasn’t the type of person to address a stranger so informally.

‘The fact that Frederick showed up in front of Kenneth makes it even more likely that his excuse of conducting a secret investigation was just a cover.’

Though Frederick always seemed lazy and irresponsible, he handled his affairs as efficiently as Theodore—at least, when it was something he cared about.

‘If he were truly in the middle of a secret investigation, he wouldn’t have revealed himself to me, the people at the Marquis’ estate, or Kenneth. Ultimately, what he was aiming for was…’

It was me. He had been circling around me last night. A shiver ran down her spine as Lotus wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

‘Why was he… watching me?’

––I want to be closer. Much closer.

––Well, yes, I was hanging around because I wanted to see you, Lotus…

Frederick’s words from last night flashed through Lotus’s mind. If she didn’t know Frederick better, she might have believed him.

‘In the past and now, I still can’t understand you at all, Frederick.’

Now, in this life, Kenneth was becoming a new enigma.

If her previous life had felt like slowly sinking into a dark swamp, her current life felt like being aboard a sinking ship.

‘What am I supposed to do?’

Lotus was struck by the question, a question that no one could answer. Tears trickled from her tightly closed eyes.

“My lady.”

“…”

“My lady, you need to eat. Shall I bring your lunch to your room?”

“I don’t want any.”

As she spoke, the tears that had formed in her eyes seeped into her parched mouth. Her chest churned, and cold sweat covered her hands and feet.

She was in no state to swallow food, nor did she have any desire to eat.

Since her return, Lotus had lost almost all appetite, barely touching her meals. Suddenly, she thought that starving might be one way to end her life.

‘It might not be so bad… No one would notice, and I could do it quietly. Even Frederick wouldn’t suspect a thing.’

How long would it take for her body to deteriorate if she continued to refuse food like this? She only hoped that the suffering wouldn’t last too long.

***

If someone could control the wizard Frederick, he would certainly be a fast and convenient means of transportation.

As soon as Lotus disappeared from view, Frederick grabbed Kenneth by the arm, teleporting them both out of the Marquis’ mansion in an instant, a regretful expression on his face. Kenneth, accustomed to the experience, remained impassive.

They arrived at a mountain near the capital, one of the places Frederick had set up a teleportation array for more precise and safe travel.

“Kenneth, is it okay for a knight of knights like you to cheat like this?”

Frederick’s usual playful smile faded, replaced by a cold expression that would likely give the servants of the Abran Duchy or the wizards of the Mage Tower a shock.

But Kenneth, who had grown used to the harshness of battlefields, felt nothing.

“Cheat? If confessing my feelings properly is cheating, then what about you? What tricks did you pull to stay at the Marquis of Estelle’s estate?”

Out of conscience, Kenneth couldn’t easily say he loved her.

But he had proposed to Lotus because he wanted to get her out of that hellhole as soon as possible.

He’d heard from Frederick and Theodore that while she would never agree to be sold off to an older man, she might accept a sincere proposal from a younger man unafraid of the Marquis of Estelle.

Moreover, the sudden nature of his proposal was something he had learned from her.

If Lotus accepted his proposal, he planned to send an official letter to the Estelle family by tomorrow and take her to the house he lived in.

Although he hadn’t yet received the title of count, as the Empire’s greatest swordsman, he had more than enough means to provide a place for her to stay.

The plan to propose hastily and whisk her away from the Marquis’ mansion had failed, so he needed to come up with another plan.

Kenneth, who had little experience with women aside from Lotus, found it difficult to figure out how to approach her.

Lost in thought, he was pulled back to the present by Frederick’s mocking voice.

“Tricks? It’s just wisdom beyond what your little mind can grasp.”

“Theodore thinks that mind of yours is as dense as a rock.”

Their gazes clashed fiercely.

The tension between them grew so intense that birds and insects nearby fled, trying to escape the building pressure.

One was a master of magic, and the other, a genius with the sword. If the two clashed seriously, the entire mountain could vanish without a trace.

It was Frederick who withdrew his gaze and suppressed his power first. For some reason, he wasn’t in any condition to fight Kenneth at full strength.

Whatever “it” was, the thing draining large amounts of his mana, mental energy, and stamina, wasn’t finished yet. He had no choice but to hold back.

In truth, Frederick had been pushing himself too hard lately. Returning to his usual carefree self in an instant, he shrugged his shoulders.

“Forget it. Fighting an idiot like you would only hurt me. I didn’t tell the people at the Marquis of Estelle’s estate, but I’ll share one piece of information with you since we’re comrades, after all.”

Kenneth also reined in his energy. Frederick dragged out the moment until he saw annoyance overtake curiosity in Kenneth’s blue eyes, then finally spoke.

“Last night, Lottie attempted suicide. So I’d appreciate it if you could avoid any more stupid, shocking comments like earlier. That’s why I’m not calling her ‘Lottie’ and using her name instead. I’m worried she might get upset.”

“What?”

Kenneth’s eyes widened in shock.

“If I hadn’t been lingering around Lottie last night, she would’ve either fallen from the third floor and died, or at the very least been seriously injured.”

Kenneth’s eyebrow twitched at the word “lingering,” but the shock of the content itself was too overwhelming to address it. In a tone of quiet despair, Kenneth muttered, “Oh, God.”

“God? That’s no god. It’s a demon,” Frederick murmured with a crooked smile. Kenneth knew all too well why he spoke that way and didn’t add anything further. In truth, what he had just said was nothing more than a habitual phrase, uncorrected over time.

A heavy silence followed before Kenneth spoke again.

“Could it be… has Lotus also returned?”

Frederick tilted his head slightly.

“Well, I can’t be sure. Whether it was the old Lottie or the current one, they’ve both suffered just the same. If that sharp-witted Theodore had been watching her, he might’ve figured it out, but I’m not quite at his level.”

“Useless.”

“What? You brat! It was *me* who saved Lottie last night! And I’m the one sharing this valuable information with you!”

Frederick bristled with anger, but Kenneth continued speaking, ignoring his outburst.

“So, you’re staying at the Marquis’ estate to keep an eye on her?”

“Of course! Why else would I stay with that god-awful family?”

“The Marquis of Estelle and Lord Estelle allowed that so easily?”

“That’s my skill, isn’t it?”

“If you can do it, there’s no reason I can’t.”

“…What?”

Kenneth’s last words grated on Frederick’s ears.

“I just mean I don’t feel comfortable leaving Lotus’ protection entirely up to you.”

“…”

“Would you prefer if I said it more clearly?”

Kenneth threw Frederick’s words from earlier right back at him.

“I’m going to stay by Lotus’ side and protect her.”

A presence once lost. To lose her a second time would be unbearable, and if that happened, there would be nothing left for him but death.

Kenneth bit down on his lip as memories from about a year and a half ago resurfaced.

––That woman… they say she’s dead?

––It was suicide, they say.

––I heard she died saving some kid.

––Really? Well, either way, she’s dead now. It’s a shame. I wanted to see her just once myself.

––Do you think she’d ever look at you, after all those men like the commander and the Tower Lord? What do you have that they don’t?

––Damn it!

––Wait, who were we talking about just now?

––Th-The commander…

Kenneth had learned about Lotus’ death from the idle chatter of knights after their training.

The chilling sensation, like his body was being torn apart, was something he could never forget.

“If that demon, or even the God of Misfortune, reaches out to her again, I’ll kill that god myself.”

Frederick nodded, recognizing the unyielding resolve in Kenneth’s words.