The World Has Become Kinder to Her - Chapter 11

Theodore led Lotus gracefully to the center of the ballroom. Most of the guests had already finished their first dances, leaving plenty of space. Lotus could feel the weight of countless eyes on her back, but she endured it. 

If it were scornful or disdainful looks, she could easily brush them off, but the stares full of jealousy and curiosity were much harder to ignore. It made her feel like a well-groomed pet on display.

Theodore led her with smooth, practiced movements. Lotus, not particularly in the mood for dancing, let him take full control. This dance was merely a means to end the situation—to reject Kenneth, Frederick, and Rikheus all at once.

“Lady Lotus, may I ask you something?” Theodore pulled her gently closer as he spoke, bringing their faces close enough to feel each other’s breath. His violet eyes, like expertly cut amethysts, gleamed with an unsettling sharpness that made it difficult to hold his gaze for long.

“Yes, go ahead,” Lotus replied.

“I’m curious why you chose me.”

“I apologize for troubling you. I was simply looking for the most level-headed person in this ballroom, and it seems you were unlucky enough to be that person,” she said.

“How unfortunate,” he replied.

“I truly am sorry,” Lotus added sincerely. Unlike in the past, Theodore was now being used by her, so it was only proper to apologize. He chuckled softly.

“It seems you’ve made an unfortunate mistake, Lady. I am not nearly as level-headed as you think.”

…Wait, this wasn’t the response she had anticipated.

“If you’re not, then who could be considered level-headed?” she asked, perplexed.

“I am careful in most matters, yes…” His face moved even closer, while his voice lowered, becoming more intimate.

“But it seems I’ve lost my sense of caution when it comes to you.”

What is going on? Lotus felt dizzy, like the room was spinning from one shock to the next. First Kenneth, then Frederick, Rikheus, and now even Theodore?

*Why are you doing this too?*

Overwhelmed, her strength drained from her body, and she nearly stumbled. Theodore, noticing her falter, quickly supported her by the waist, his gesture both helpful and infuriating, as if he had caused her the problem in the first place.

“…I’m not as clever as you, Lord William. I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re saying,” she responded, trying to regain her composure.

“Don’t worry. You’ll understand soon enough.”

Lotus frowned at his cryptic words but forced herself to maintain a smile under the many watchful eyes around them. All she could think about was how much she wanted the music to end.

After what felt like an eternity, the music finally stopped. Theodore finished the dance with graceful movements, then gently kissed the back of her hand.

“Thank you for giving me this opportunity, Lady,” he whispered in a soft, affectionate tone, as though he were a man deeply in love.

*Is this man insane? Worse than Kenneth, Frederick, or even Rikheus?*

Lotus, knowing Theodore’s sharp mind, couldn’t help but question his mental state.

“Oh my, am I seeing this correctly?”  

“I don’t think your eyes are deceiving you. I’ve never seen Lord William behave like that.”

The whispers of the nobles buzzed around her, but Lotus had only one thought on her mind: *I need to escape!*

But how?

Kenneth, Frederick, Rikheus, and now Theodore—they were all men far too powerful for a mere illegitimate child of the Marquis family to handle. As her lips trembled with anxiety, her eyes met Kenneth’s across the room.

*This is the last time. Don’t seek me out again for such reasons,*

An icy, noble man. The memory of her past self, feeling both relief and humiliation at his reluctant acceptance of her request, flashed before her eyes as Lotus met Kenneth’s gaze.

Next, her eyes locked with Frederick’s.  

— *Loty, you really fascinate me.*  

He was a man who appeared magnanimous yet was terrifying in his own way. His silver eyes, which once looked at her as if she were nothing more than a pet or a test subject, made her heart race with tension as she recalled their shared history.

Then her gaze shifted to Theodore.  

— *As long as it’s mutually beneficial, like now.*  

A sharp and intelligent man, always cold and calculating. She remembered how she had once feared the moment she would become useless to him.

Finally, she met Rikheus’s green eyes.  

— *But that crudeness, similar to a street woman’s, doesn’t align with the beauty I seek.*  

A man as beautiful as he was cruel. Just the thought of their past made it feel as though a knife had been plunged into her heart.

*…I hate this, I hate this, I hate this!*

Her foolish past self had met with these men out of necessity, but even so, there had been moments where her heart raced, moments where guilt gnawed at her.

But what about them?  

Had they ever felt their hearts race for her, even once? Did they feel guilt? Had they ever even seen her as a human being like themselves?  

*I was nothing to them!*

They were all the same. The men standing before her, and the man now rushing toward her—Hession.

“Lotus!”  

The last thing Lotus heard was Hession’s voice filled with confusion, before her consciousness faded. 

Fortunately, before her body hit the cold marble floor, Kenneth’s quick reflexes allowed him to catch her in time. Holding her limp form in his arms, Kenneth furrowed his brow—she was so light, almost like a feather.

“My sister has caused you trouble. I apologize,” Hession said as he swiftly approached and took Lotus from Kenneth’s arms.

Though Hession’s words were apologetic, his eyes flashed with anger, as if Kenneth had been the one to harm Lotus. Though the connection he saw between Lotus and Kenneth was based on nothing more than a dream, the unease he felt was understandable. Kenneth, after all, was not exactly on the best of terms with her.

*Still, compared to those like Frederick, Theodore, or Rikheus… he’s slightly, just slightly better.*  

Hession’s eyes burned with intensity, but Kenneth did not avert his gaze. If Hession was fire, Kenneth was water.

As the two men silently sized each other up, another figure approached Lotus. Frederick, his silver eyes gleaming with sharpness, assessed her condition.

“It would be best to return Lady Estelle to the Marquis estate as soon as possible. She doesn’t appear to be in any serious danger, but rest is clearly needed.”

His cutting words defused the tension between Kenneth and Hession, both of whom felt a sense of shame and allowed the confrontation to dissipate. Hession, still holding Lotus, exited the ballroom. Kenneth watched them leave, his eyes lingering on her with a tender expression.

Frederick, Rikheus, and Theodore also followed Hession’s movements, their eyes not on him, but on the unconscious Lotus in his arms.

***

“This disgrace to the Estelle family!”  

The Marquis of Estelle, his voice booming with rage, struck Lotus across the face. The sharp sound of the slap echoed as her head snapped to the side. The sting of her red, swollen cheek was nothing compared to the pain in her heart.

Lotus understood the true reason for the Marquis’s anger. He wasn’t upset as a father, troubled by the sight of his daughter mingling with various men. No, it was because her reputation as a scandalous woman had spread through Bahamur’s high society, devaluing her as a commodity to be sold off in a political marriage.

“…Many people already consider my very existence a disgrace. A few additional scandals shouldn’t matter, don’t you think?” Lotus replied, her voice steady despite the pain.

“What! How dare you speak so brazenly with that filthy mouth of yours!”

“I only spoke the truth,” Lotus said, her voice steady. “Shall I guess why you’re so angry, Your Excellency? First, because I’ve tarnished the family name. Second, because my value as a political pawn has diminished. Am I wrong?” 

The Marquis offered no response, only glared at her in silence. Lotus smiled brightly, but deep inside, she felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow. His silence was an answer in itself.

*Couldn’t you, even just for appearances, say you’re upset because I treated myself so poorly?*  

The Marquis had never once spoken a kind word to her. Perhaps, in a twisted way, she should be thankful to the Marchioness.  

*At least she saved me from having to call someone like you “Father.”*

***

When Lotus regained consciousness, she noticed tears had gathered in the corners of her eyes. She blinked them away, and as her vision cleared, she saw an unexpected figure by her side. For a moment, her mind went blank, but she quickly composed herself.

“What brings you here, My Lady?” she asked.

In a normal family, it might have been expected for the lady of the house to tend to a daughter who had fainted or fallen ill. But their relationship was anything but normal—stepmother and illegitimate daughter. The Marchioness was easily the person who despised Lotus most in the household.

It was natural for Lotus to feel suspicious, seeing the Marchioness and her maids in her room. The small space felt cramped, almost like a cage.

“…There’s no need to push yourself. The doctor said you need rest,” the Marchioness said.

“With you here, how could I rest comfortably?” Lotus retorted, her voice tinged with thorns. The Marchioness frowned, exhaling a sigh before responding.

“Fine. I’ll leave. Jane will stay outside—call for her if you need anything.”

Lotus hadn’t expected her to give up so easily. The Marchioness’s strange behavior puzzled her, but she was too drained to dwell on it. Her body felt as if a heavy stone were weighing it down.

Once the Marchioness and her maids left, the small bedroom fell silent. Lotus covered her face with her hands and muttered to herself.

“…I’m tired. I want to die.”

Everything felt wrong—being sent back to the past, the sudden shift in the household’s treatment of her, and the changes in the men she had known in her previous life. None of it brought her any joy.

She had thrown herself into the Venus River and resigned herself to everything. If the gods expected her to rejoice in these “gifts” they were bestowing upon her, then they weren’t all-knowing beings at all.  

They couldn’t even understand the heart of one mere girl.

“I’m still human, and I hate pain,” she whispered.

The agony of drowning, feeling the cold water suffocating her, had been terrible. Any other method of dying would likely be just as painful. That was why she had kept suicide as a final option, but after experiencing the debutante ball, her thoughts had shifted.

“The people of the Marquis household must be as mad as those men.”

Kenneth, who had never shown an interest in women, asking her to dance. Rikheus, her old crush, suddenly acting sweet toward her. And Theodore, whispering something incomprehensible—it was all baffling. Even Frederick, whose behavior was at least predictable, was not what she had hoped for.

*Judging by their looks and expressions, they all want something from me.*

Lotus couldn’t be sure about Rikheus, but Kenneth, Frederick, and Theodore were all stubborn men. They wouldn’t stop approaching her until they got what they wanted. And she, the illegitimate daughter of a marquis, had no power to fend them off.

*I’ll be pushed around, again and again. Is this life worth enduring such torment? Do I have anything left in this world I care about?*

In the end, there was only one choice left for her.  

*…I just need to die.*

Lotus walked to the window and opened it. The night sky, with its shining moon and stars, was breathtaking. The garden below looked peaceful, though it would soon be stained with blood.