The Way of Life for a Terminal S-Class Hunter - C8
$08
***
On January 1st, when I turned 14, our family had planned a trip to watch the sunrise for the new year. However, Seo-heon’s parents happened to go on a business trip together, and following the wishes of both sets of parents, we ended up going on the trip together.
The car arrived at the foot of the mountain, our destination. Seo-heon and his parents had already gotten out of the car, but I was lost in thought and hurriedly grabbed my bag to come out a step behind.
[Woo-hyun, why are you so out of it? Are you sleepy?]
Mom asked with a concerned voice, finding it strange.
[It’s sleep time, so it’s understandable.]
Dad, standing nearby, replied nonchalantly.
[It’s not just today, he’s been like this lately. I’m worried he might fall while walking.]
[I’m just sleepy, that’s all.]
I quickly made an excuse, afraid that Mom might notice I was spacing out due to my worries.
[If he looks like he’s going to fall, I’ll catch him, so there’s no need to worry.]
Seo-heon, not knowing what was on my mind, said with a low laugh.
[But Seo-heon seems fine even at this hour. That’s all because he exercises a lot and has good stamina. Woo-hyun, you should build up your stamina too. A healthy Korean boy should be able to endure a day or two without sleep.]
[Dad, you’re the one who conks out at 10 PM.]
When I said that, Dad chuckled and said, ‘That’s that, and this is this.’
[Do you really want me to hold your hand?]
Seo-heon said playfully, as he always did. Maybe it was because we had been close since childhood, but while Seo-heon was picky and cold to other friends, he was uniquely gentle with me.
[I can walk well on my own, you know?]
[We need to be careful because it’s dark.]
I boasted that I didn’t need to hold hands or anything, as there were many people on the hiking trail and there was nothing to worry about. But…
[What should I do?]
Three hours later, I was standing alone in a place completely separated from the hiking trail. The problem was that we had planned to take a short break at the midpoint base camp. When I saw a sign saying there was a restroom 300m ahead, I quietly slipped out thinking I’d be right back, but that was a misjudgment.
I thought I had followed the sign, but there was no restroom. From the middle, I saw a light and followed it, but when I arrived, it turned out to be light from a flashlight someone had dropped. After confirming this, I froze on the spot. When I turned around to go back, it was too dark to know which way to go.
[Have I become a lost child at this age?]
I had been in denial, but I was a terrible navigator. Usually, this didn’t happen when I was fully alert, but today my distracting thoughts interfered.
[I even left my phone in my bag.]
Feeling ridiculous, I sat down and stared blankly at the sky. The pre-dawn stars were densely embroidered. Being quite far from the city center, the stars proudly displayed their light. Despite the urgent situation, I couldn’t help but admire their beauty.
[What should I do…]
While muttering like that, feeling at a loss for having lost my way, I fell into other thoughts.
A few days ago, after secretly overhearing my parents’ conversation, I had been troubled.
[Young-i says he wants to see Woo-hyun.]
Young-i was Dad’s younger brother, my uncle, who had emigrated abroad shortly after I was born. So I had never met him and only heard his name occasionally when Dad was on the phone.
Why would that person want to see me?
Out of curiosity, I pricked up my ears.
[I’m uneasy and don’t like it. What if he tries to harm Woo-hyun again?]
Mom, who was usually called a strong woman by the neighbors, was trembling with anxiety, which was rare.
[Haa… I know. Young-i says he’s repenting, but I’m not comfortable with it either. I still vividly remember him trying to strangle Woo-hyun.]
Up to this point, I was a bit surprised but thought maybe Uncle had some mental issues.
[But I’m worried if it’s right to stop him from wanting to see his own child.]
But with Dad’s following words, my mind went blank.
[How could he do such a thing to his own child? What wrong did Woo-hyun do? From the moment he tried to kill Woo-hyun, that person lost his right as a parent.]
[Right. Young-i should have been grateful just for Woo-hyun being born healthy, but he said he lost his mind when his wife suddenly died and begged for forgiveness.]
[He calls that an excuse?]
Mom shouted almost like a scream and shook her head.
[Woo-hyun is our child now. If he wants to see Woo-hyun, tell him to meet me first.]
I carefully returned to my room.
Were my mom and dad not my birth parents? I was thrown into confusion by this suddenly learned fact.
The next day, I snuck into the master bedroom, trying to convince myself that I had misunderstood yesterday’s conversation. I wanted to find evidence to refute yesterday’s conversation. However, contrary to my wishes, I ended up discovering a photo album hidden securely under the bed.
It was a photo of a man who looked exactly like Dad and a pregnant woman standing together. I instinctively realized. These people were my birth parents.
I carefully put the photo album back in its place. I understood why my parents had kept this a secret, and my gratitude for raising me hadn’t diminished.
However, my confused feelings were not something I could control with my will. Questions about who I was, whether my birth had caused someone pain, doubts about myself, occupied my mind.
And eventually, I even started to wonder if my parents didn’t want to have their own biological children.
I was certain they were people who would treat me the same even if they had their own biological child. But what if, just maybe, they weren’t having a child because of me…? Recalling the conversation I had overheard, it seemed my parents had taken me in worried that I might die if I grew up under my birth father. If so, wasn’t I becoming a burden?
When I fell into these thoughts all night, I felt like bugs were gnawing at me. I was afraid that I might be completely eaten by these bugs.
As insomnia continued, I felt like I was always wandering no matter what I did during the day. It was a bit funny that I had actually lost my way on the mountain in the midst of this.
[Let’s think about how to solve the current situation first.]
I talked to myself, trying to change the atmosphere. If I fell into thought again, I felt like I might start digging into the ground, forgetting that I was lost.
[Is it okay to stay here?]
Although it was standard practice not to move when lost, I doubted if anyone would come looking for me if I stayed here.
[Am I really going to end up in distress like this?]
Suddenly, the surroundings felt cold. I felt piercingly lonely and tears welled up. It felt like I had become completely alone. I buried my head between my legs.
It seemed like no one would come looking for me. But then…
[Woo-hyun.]
A gentle voice called me. When I looked up, Seo-heon was standing there, wiping his sweat.
[Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?]
As his careful hands caressed me, the tears I had been holding back poured out.
[Don’t cry.]
Seo-heon didn’t ask why I was crying, nor did he scold me for crying like a child just for getting lost. He just hugged me tightly.
[How did you know I was here?]
That was the first thing I managed to say after calming down. Seo-heon wiped my tears and spoke.
[Just. I thought you might be here.]
Even after that, Seo-heon didn’t rush me to return to the base camp quickly. I was grateful for this consideration, as I didn’t want to show my parents that I had cried so much.
[I can find you wherever you are.]
I was about to laugh and say, “What’s that?” but I caught Seo-heon’s eyes. The me reflected in his eyes was unwavering. The moment I saw those straight eyes, it felt like my feet, which had been wandering in the air, finally touched the ground.
As if enchanted, I blurted out the words I had been piling up in my chest.
[I’m not my parents’ biological child. My birth mother died giving birth to me, and my birth father apparently tried to kill me.]
The pent-up frustration crumbled all at once. An indescribable sense of liberation enveloped me.
[I see.]
Seo-heon responded simply.
[Isn’t it weird?]
[What does it matter who your birth parents are? You are you.]
I liked that simple sentiment. It felt like I had found myself again.
[What happened to the person who tried to kill you?]
Seo-heon was curious about something I hadn’t even imagined. His unique perspective made me laugh. It felt like the heavy things that had been weighing me down had flown away.
[I don’t know. What good would it do to know?]
[Should I take care of him for you?]
Seo-heon’s absurd yet reliable words had long since dried up my tears.
[Let’s go now. Mom and Dad must be looking for you like crazy.]
Seo-heon silently held out his hand, and I obediently took it. My heart fluttered.
The sun rose and the sky turned pink. My face probably turned pink too.
It was the beginning of my first love.