The Way of Life for a Terminal S-Class Hunter - C101
The car maintained a steady speed as it drove along the road. I occasionally asked questions, and Seo-heon honestly answered them, repeating this process several times. Most of the content was trivial, but it was a continuous time where tension would occasionally build up unexpectedly in certain areas.
Each time this happened, the uncomfortably pounding heart felt unfamiliar at first, but became more familiar as time went on.
I thought that one day, being together like this would feel natural again. When that happened, it seemed it wouldn’t be difficult to define what kind of relationship Seo-heon and I had.
“Let’s walk from here.”
The car that had been driving for a long time finally stopped. Since the columbarium was located a bit away from the parking lot, I walked side by side with Seo-heon. At a pace similar to others.
Perhaps due to the clear weather, it felt different from when I came last time. Unlike in the car, my companion kept his mouth tightly shut. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but didn’t pry.
“It’s here.”
Among the urns densely arranged in the narrow room, my parents’ urns were at the far end, as if hidden to make it difficult for others to find. A few flowers I hadn’t seen before were placed in front of them.
“Did you put these here?”
Though the possibility was extremely low, I couldn’t think of anyone else. It had been a long time since contact was cut off with other relatives.
“No. As the truth came out in the media, there was also talk about your parents. I heard there were some visitors. Since security isn’t too strict here, it seems they accepted people who wanted to leave flowers.”
It seems they were left by people who felt sorry or sad, though not many. I felt grateful, but also had mixed feelings about these thoughts coming now. Even knowing that those who cursed and those who did this weren’t the same people.
Now, both my parents and I should be free from the eyes of such people.
It was a moment when a vague resolution turned into conviction.
“I want to move my parents to a better place. Somewhere people don’t usually come, if possible.”
“Okay. I’ll look into it.”
I bent my knees to examine the urns closely.
Would they be proud of their unfilial child who said they’d follow in death, but now came saying they’d try to live? Or would they resent that even their child couldn’t believe in them? If it were my parents, it would surely be the former, but human hearts are unknowable. It would be a distorted interpretation mixed with my own wishes.
At moments like this, the fact that I couldn’t get an answer even if I asked was more painful than being alone. Instead of prolonging words for self-comfort, I lightly touched the glass and stood up. It would have been nice to bring something, but I had nothing prepared due to the rushed visit.
“What about your father?”
It was a question I hadn’t dared to ask before. Until now, I thought I shouldn’t dare to, and was also afraid that the relationship we had barely pieced together would crumble the moment I asked.
“Mother took care of putting him in a good place.”
It was an answer that clearly conveyed his lack of interest. In the past, I might have thought he was pretending not to care so I wouldn’t worry, but that wasn’t the atmosphere. Seo-heon genuinely seemed not to care much.
“Objectively, my father might have been a decent person in that he tried to live morally. But what’s the point when he failed by acting on emotions without carefully planning? It was even worse because it wasn’t just him who suffered, but all of us together.”
It was a scathing evaluation. His attitude, devoid of warmth while talking about his victimized father, wasn’t feigned. Noticing my surprised look, Seo-heon put his hand to his mouth and looked me over for a while.
“As you vaguely know, I don’t tend to feel emotional fluctuations for people other than you.”
It was as Seo-heon said. Seeing his ruthless attitude towards people outside his circle, it was impossible not to know this fact. I just couldn’t believe it applied even to his own father. It seemed I couldn’t keep up with how different his way of thinking was from mine.
“I didn’t tell you because I thought you, being affectionate and fond of people, would be shocked. It wasn’t to hide it to use your guilt.”
Seo-heon explained preemptively. I hadn’t even thought that far yet, but his attitude was quite defensive.
“Okay. I don’t think you would have gone that far.”
With the curtain-like veil covering my eyes falling away, I could see Seo-heon more clearly. Only now, after a very long time, did I start to understand a bit how much he had hidden himself, not wanting to reveal his true nature. Though it seemed like he was forcibly disclosing facts to keep his promise, it felt refreshing to me.
“I’m sorry for being a monstrous bastard. And I’m even more sorry that I still don’t intend to let you go.”
However, it seemed to be quite a difficult process for Seo-heon. The fact that his behavior wasn’t socially normal probably wouldn’t have affected Seo-heon. I had never seen him care about others’ gazes out of fear, though he might have used it.
So those words were probably meant only for me. I knew I should say that I never thought of him as a monster to alleviate Seo-heon’s anxiety. However, my mouth wouldn’t open, as if filled with honey. It was difficult to easily broach the subject in this place.
“Let’s go for today.”
It was an intentional avoidance. At the same time, I hoped Seo-heon would read that I was okay with it anyway. I hoped he would read it from my attitude and words, since I needed time to say it directly.
He had always been eerily perceptive about me, after all.
“It’s okay to stay longer.”
Thinking I might want to stay longer but was hurrying because of him, Seo-heon lightly tried to stop me. Contrary to his guess, today I had only come to show my parents that I was alive.
It was a visit to convey my heart’s decision to try living more from now on, so there was no reason to stay long, so I shook my head.
“It’s okay, I’ll come again anyway. I’ll visit more often after moving them to a quieter place.”
Now I didn’t need to make a big resolution to come here. So I didn’t have much lingering attachment.
“Okay.”
***
Once we got in the car, somewhat embarrassingly, I had nowhere to go. I didn’t have the face to return to the dormitory after causing such a commotion, and I didn’t want to go to Seo-heon’s place where I had been briefly confined. I felt that being in that place might evoke unpleasant memories or emotions.
“Woo-hyun, if you haven’t decided where to go, want to stay at your house? If we go to a hotel now, it might get a bit noisy.”
“Yeah, thanks to someone putting out a wanted notice, it seems there might be problems wherever we go.”
I retorted with a bit of resentment and playfulness, then pondered Seo-heon’s suggestion.
When he said “your house,” he clearly meant the house where I used to live with my parents. After all, he had said he bought and maintained it.
“It’s a bit far from the guild, isn’t it?”
After saying this, I belatedly wondered if it mattered since I wouldn’t be going to work at the guild anymore.
“If it’s okay with you, I can come every evening to treat you and then return to my house. My house is right next door anyway.”
I flinched slightly at the word “treatment,” but pretended not to and adjusted my posture.
Hearing his gentle explanation, it sounded appealing. Now, entering that house didn’t seem like it would be so painful anymore. I even felt like I wanted to look around.
It seemed okay to stay in that house until I decided what to do.
“Alright. Let’s stay there for now.”
Upon my agreement, Seo-heon immediately started the engine as if ready to depart. I quickly raised my hand to stop him. A questioning gaze returned.
“Let’s go to the guild first.”
“Why? Did you leave something in the dorm? There wasn’t even a speck of dust left.”
Words about when he had searched my room again rose to my throat, but I swallowed them, knowing the obvious answer I’d get.
“There’s one more person I need to meet. I should have contacted them first, but they’re not answering their phone.”
Seo-heon, who had been uninhibited, stopped his hand that was turning on the heater, as if something caught him.
You don’t need to turn on things like the heater, I know you’re not cold.
I was having such idle thoughts while watching Seo-heon carefully examine me.
“Who are you trying to meet?”
He asked even though he had already guessed who I was trying to meet, even without me saying the name directly. As I kept my mouth shut, Seo-heon moved his hand again.
“Do you really have to meet Shin Lee-han?”
Though he tried to be calm, his voice trembled slightly at the end. It was the first time since being discharged that he showed a reaction of wanting to refuse my words.
“Yes. I need to check if he’s really uninjured, and I have something to return.”
Not wanting to provoke him further, I feigned indifference. Seo-heon clenched his teeth. His inner conflict transmitted to me.