The Country Life Diary of a Gangster's Secretary - c96

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Has there ever been another time in my life when I was this shocked? Even when I heard the news that I was accepted into the university of my dreams, when I first met Ihyeok, and even when I found out that I had manifested as an omega, I wouldn’t have been this surprised. 

“Are you saying that I spent my heat… with you, Ahjussi?”

Does this mean that the memories that just came to mind are not all a dream but reality? No, that wasn’t the end of the problem. Perhaps there was an even bigger issue left that was fundamentally related to the flow of this conversation.

“Yeah. Now that I think about it, you really don’t seem to remember.”

It was when Ihyeok was about to reach out to Hyeseong again. Hyeseong backed away and took a step back.

“Hyeseong-ah.”

“Wait a minute, Ahjussi.”

He couldn’t bring himself to lift his head. He couldn’t face Ihyeok’s eyes looking at him.

“Did you know? That I manifested as an omega?”

Hyeseong prayed inwardly. Please say no. There’s no chance of that anyway, but he still wanted to believe there was a way to go back.

“Yes.”

The resolute and unhesitating word fell on Hyeseong’s head with a thud. Ihyeok did not add any other words. He knew everything. This one word was now spinning around in Hyeseong’s head.

“How…”

He couldn’t even say the words asking how he knew.

“Hyeseong-ah, calm down first and…”

“How did you know?”

Ihyeok tried to take Hyeseong’s hand again, but Hyeseong, already shocked and confused, quickly pulled his hand back. This person right now, the Kwon Ihyeok he knew, felt too unfamiliar, and the air surrounding him felt suffocating.

“…It started when I first heard that you were frequenting the university hospital. Then that day, when you collapsed once, I smelled a faint pheromone and found your medicine bag.”

If it was when he collapsed, it seems he was referring to not long after he moved, before Dohyun came to his house. He suddenly got a fever and collapsed, and when he woke up, Ihyeok was by his side. 

He never thought he would smell pheromones. At that time, it was the beginning of his presentation, so he wasn’t paying much attention to it.

“What did you do with that medicine bag?”

“I investigated it. Privately.”

Combining all these things – the story of frequenting the hospital, privately investigating the ingredients of the medicine – leads to only one conclusion.

“…You were doing a background check on me.”

“Hyeseong-ah. It wasn’t with bad intentions.”

Ihyeok also sighed deeply and ran his hand through his hair as if frustrated. He had no intention of having the conversation unfold this way. Of course, the background check was something he should rightfully apologize for, but that wasn’t what Ihyeok really wanted to say.

“I thought you were hiding something from me. Because you suddenly quit your job and said you were going to leave me to live in the countryside.”

“That can’t be a justifiable reason.”

Hyeseong’s eyes had already lost focus. Ihyeok knew from the beginning. Since he collapsed not long after moving to the countryside.

He had noticed it since then. The fact that he had manifested as an omega, and that he was desperately trying to hide it.

“Why… Why didn’t you say anything even though you knew?”

Hyeseong was desperate. He wanted to hide the fact that he had manifested as an omega. All of this was triggered by the things he had experienced with Ihyeok in England, and that incident was his fault.

On that day, Hyeseong did not reject Ihyeok in rut, and unable to properly control the emotions he had been hiding so well, he surrendered his body to the physical pleasure and warmth Ihyeok gave him. 

And the result he got was merely presenting as an omega.

Hyeseong wanted to hide everything. It was shameful, he resented his past self, and he hated it. In the end, the fact that he had no choice but to break away from Ihyeok because of that one emotion he had for him was unbearably painful.

Perhaps it wasn’t that he wanted to escape and run away from Ihyeok. He wanted to run away from that foolish self, from himself who couldn’t courageously confess all the facts and emotions.

“Even though you knew everything… Even though you knew I was emitting pheromones all this time… Were you making a fool out of me all this time?”

He had run away like that, but in the end, Ihyeok knew everything. He had run away from himself, from this reality, and deciding to give up on these feelings as well, he chose to live in the countryside which wasn’t even in his fate, but in the end, Ihyeok stepped into his territory again.

“I thought you would want to hide it. So I waited. I believed that you would tell me someday.”

“I don’t understand how someone who says they believed in me did a background check on me.”

“…Hyeseong-ah.”

Maybe he should have ended it long ago. Maybe he should have made a firmer resolve to sort out these feelings when he quit his job and went down to the countryside. He should have rejected Ihyeok more strongly and kicked him out when he came to the house next door.

His feelings for Ihyeok were so precious that he didn’t want to throw them away, but rather cherish them deep in his heart as they were too big for him. He already knew that they would not be reciprocated. But he never thought that it would all turn into a deception and come back to him.

“If you knew everything, why were you by my side yesterday? Did you end up embracing me because of the pheromones an omega emits during heat?”

Ihyeok’s eyes widened. He tried to say that was nonsense, but his mouth wouldn’t open. Because Hyeseong was crying right now.

“You can act like that because you don’t know anything, Ahjussi.”

He thought he didn’t regret becoming an omega. He believed there was no more foolish way of thinking than discriminating against and dividing people based on traits. 

But now, for the first time, Hyeseong unbearably hated himself as an omega. In the end, because of his heat, because of the pheromones he was emitting as an omega, he had crossed an irreversible river with Ihyeok. They had spent the night together and had a relationship. And unlike last time on the business trip where one person couldn’t remember and the other could hide it and treat it as if it never happened, it could no longer be ignored.

For Hyeseong, there was nothing more miserable than that. It felt like the relationship and emotions he hadn’t been able to cut off were suddenly cut off and disappeared.

Hyeseong wiped the tears falling from his eyes with the back of his hand. Ihyeok’s pupils were shaking more intensely than ever. He had no intention of crying at all. Hyeseong crying was something he had not anticipated at all.

“Ahjussi, do you know why I manifested as an omega?”

Hyeseong took a deep breath and then looked straight at Ihyeok. Now that everything was ruined and gone, there was no need to hide or suffer in his heart.

“The rut you experienced on the first business trip to England, you said you don’t remember, right?”

“…”

“That day, the medical staff didn’t come, and you didn’t get a suppressant injection and rest.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was the one who spent your rut with you.”

Ihyeok’s eyes widened. He stared blankly at Hyeseong’s moving lips like someone who had been hit on the head.

“Don’t lie to me.”

Ihyeok clenched his fist tightly. Hyeseong, looking at his trembling hand, coldly raised the corner of his mouth.

As expected, he knew Ihyeok would be shocked and disgusted like that. The fact that he had lost his reason and spent the night with someone he didn’t even like was bound to be unpleasant to anyone who heard it.

“It’s unpleasant, I know, but unfortunately it’s not a lie. The fact that I manifested as an omega is proof itself.”

“No way…”

“From that day on, my body started to get a little weird. I thought it was nothing, but when I went to a big hospital, they said… that I originally had the constitution to present as an omega, but I didn’t develop properly, so I thought I was a beta.”

Ihyeok ran his hand over his face. Now all the questions were starting to be answered. Including why Hyeseong suddenly manifested as an omega.

“They said it was because I was exposed to a large amount of alpha pheromones at once, and my pheromone gland only then started to function.”

“Cheon Hyeseong, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Then why didn’t you tell me, Ahjussi?”

Ihyeok was at a loss for words. There were no longer tears in his reddened eyes. All that was in front of Ihyeok’s eyes was just a hurt, fragile child.

“I… hah.”

Hyeseong ran his hand through his hair as if frustrated.

“I couldn’t say it. I didn’t want to break it. Our relationship.”

“You still should have said something!”

Ihyeok shouted, as if it wasn’t just Hyeseong who was frustrated.

“What would you have done if I had told you?”

“What?”

“You had sex with a guy you cherished like a younger brother, so with your personality, you would have tried to do something about it, right? With someone you didn’t even like. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want that.”

In the end, Hyeseong lowered his head. He didn’t have the courage to look at Ihyeok. He never thought he would have to say these words to him.

“Who… would want to be treated like that by the person they love?”

The sound of a tranquil lake echoed in his ears. Before he knew it, the passersby had disappeared, and in the cold air blowing on the walking path, there were only two people. And at this moment, Hyeseong felt so cold and in pain.

“Who would want to burden the person they’ve had a one-sided love for for nearly 6 years like that?”

Ihyeok froze on the spot. He couldn’t keep up with what Hyeseong was saying at all.

“What are you…”

“So I ran away. Because I didn’t want to go through that. With the thought of giving up on everything. But it was all in vain. In the end, I couldn’t keep the secret and ended up ruining this relationship too.”

“Cheon Hyeseong.”

Ihyeok grabbed Hyeseong’s arm urgently. But what came back was a cold and desperate rejection.

“I’m done talking.”

“I’m not done yet. Hyeseong-ah, calm down and listen to me.”

“I don’t think there’s anything more to hear.”

The words that will come out of that mouth are obvious anyway, aren’t they? Hyeseong slowly moved away from him. But Ihyeok didn’t give up and held onto Hyeseong.

“Cheon Hyeseong, please. Please listen to me, okay?”

“Later. I’ll listen later. Ahjussi, I’m so tired. Please let me go.”

At Hyeseong’s almost pleading voice, the strength slowly drained from Ihyeok’s grip. How did he end up making that child like that?

“I’ll go first. Please… don’t follow me.”

Hyeseong turned his body, staggering. He had never once imagined that he would confess his feelings to Ihyeok in this way. He had avoided everything to avoid getting hurt like this, but in the end, all his efforts were in vain.

He never knew it would hurt this much to have that confirmed.