My straight roommate is so good - Chapter 40

[Xia Zhe: I bet you don’t really know Qiao Song. Pursuing him isn’t that hard, though. First, you need to be genuine. You can’t treat him with insincerity.]

[Ling Jianshu: Don’t worry about that. Whether I saw him as a brother before or now, after realizing my feelings, I’ve never been insincere with him.]

Ling Jianshu was indeed a very straightforward person. Xia Zhe no longer felt like giving him a hard time. After chatting for a while, he sensed that Ling Jianshu genuinely liked Qiao Song. Given his character, it didn’t seem like he’d toy with his feelings.

Ling Jianshu learned a lot about Qiao Song from Xia Zhe. 

He then began thinking about how to tell him about his feelings. 

Ling Jianshu knew that even if he didn’t confess soon, his feelings would eventually come out. He figured it would be better to say it outright rather than keep it hidden, which wasn’t his style.

“Qiao Qiao, how about dinner tonight? Just the two of us?” He found a day when both of them were free and asked.

“A dorm dinner?” Qiao Song asked, puzzled.

Ling Jianshu shook his head. “Just the two of us.”

Qiao Song found his serious expression a bit odd, but without questioning further, he agreed.

That evening, when Qiao Song met up with him, he noticed how unusually formal he was dressed.

“Are we going to a fancy restaurant?” Qiao Song asked quickly. “Maybe I should change.”

“No need,” Ling Jianshu said, reaching out to stop him. “It’s not that formal.”

“Okay.”

They arrived at a high-end restaurant, much fancier than their usual dorm outings. The environment was excellent, and it was clear that Ling Jianshu had made a reservation in advance.

Qiao Song was curious: Did he plan this well in advance? What could be so important?

Once the food arrived, it was obvious that Ling Jianshu wasn’t in the mood to eat. 

Qiao Song, on the other hand, had a rare moment of hunger and quietly began eating. Ling Jianshu watched him, his heart softening at his well-behaved demeanor. No matter how things turned out tonight, he had to tell him.

This made Ling Jianshu more nervous than any game he’d ever played.

“Ling Brother, why aren’t you eating?” Qiao Song asked, his big eyes blinking in confusion.

“I… I’ll be right back, I just need to use the restroom,” Ling Jianshu stammered, standing up. As he walked toward the bathroom, he felt a wave of regret. When had he ever been this timid? He wasn’t running away—he just needed to calm down!

Though Qiao Song found his behavior odd, he couldn’t figure out what he was up to. After eating a little more, he felt full.

Just as he was putting down his utensils, a well-dressed man approached him with a gentle smile.

“Qiao Song,” the man greeted, accurately calling him by name.

“And you are?” he asked, puzzled.

“The bar, remember? My name is Jiang Huaijin,” the man introduced himself with a smile. “I didn’t have time to tell you my name that night.”

“Oh, it’s you,” he remembered. This man had called out his name that night too. “Do you know me?”

“When you were fourteen, you participated in an international piano competition, junior division, performing *Piano Concerto No. 1 in E minor*. It left quite an impression.”

“You…” Qiao Song was surprised, not expecting the man to remember something from so long ago. He must not be a bad person.

“That friend of yours earlier, is he…?”

“My roommate,” he interrupted before Jiang Huaijin could assume otherwise.

“I see. We are the same kind of people,” Jiang Huaijin smiled confidently. “That boy just now—he’s clearly a straight guy. Even if he says things like it doesn’t matter if you’re a man and that he likes you, once he meets a better woman or needs to settle down and start a family, he’ll discard you without hesitation. He might be charming as a straight guy, but is he really worth it? Wouldn’t someone like me, who understands you better, be a better match?”

“What are you talking about?” Ling Jianshu’s voice cut through the air. He had returned, his imposing 6’3″ frame and cold expression radiating pressure. 

Even someone as composed as Jiang Huaijin felt a bit intimidated by his presence.

“Are you full?” Ling Jianshu turned to Qiao Song, softening his tone when speaking to him.

Qiao Song nodded, and without another word, Ling Jianshu took his hand and led him out of the restaurant, ignoring Jiang Huaijin completely.

They took a taxi back to campus but didn’t head straight to the dorm. Though it was spring turning to summer, the evening breeze by the lake was still a bit cool. They walked side by side in silence for a while.

Ling Jianshu had washed his face in the restaurant’s bathroom, but despite all his mental preparation, he was still nervous about confessing. 

Qiao Song sensed his tension but couldn’t figure out what was bothering him.

He decided to remain silent, believing that just being there with him might help ease his emotions.

As they neared the dorm, Ling Jianshu stopped in his tracks. Should he confess now?

He opened his mouth, about to say Qiao Song’s name, when they suddenly heard someone call out: “Ling Brother! Qiao Qiao!”

It was Liu Junming, running toward them with Cheng Yuan beside him.

Liu Junming waved excitedly as he approached. “What a coincidence! You’re just getting back too?”

Ling Jianshu sighed, turning to Qiao Song, only to find him smiling back at him.

Cheng Yuan hadn’t wanted to interrupt their alone time, but since Liu Junming was already there, he followed with an awkward smile, greeting them both.

Liu Junming reached them and asked, “Ling Brother, where’d you guys go?”

“We just went for a walk,” Ling Jianshu answered.

Liu Junming then suggested, “Since we haven’t all hung out since the semester started, how about grabbing dinner together?”

“We’ve already eaten,” Ling Jianshu said, shaking his head.

Liu Junming looked a little disappointed but quickly came up with another idea: “How about we go see a movie?”

Ling Jianshu was about to decline, but Qiao Song answered first: “Sure, let’s go.”

Ling Jianshu gave him a look of surprise.

Sensing it, Qiao Song turned to him, smiling, and whispered, “You seemed a bit down. Why don’t we go watch a movie and cheer you up?”

Ling Jianshu’s heart warmed. Qiao Song cared about him this much? His earlier frustration about not being able to confess faded away.

At the cinema, Liu Junming and Cheng Yuan chose seats in the front row, while Ling Jianshu pulled Qiao Song to sit with him in the back row.

The movie turned out to be dull—a completely pretentious art film.

In the dim theater, Qiao Song began to feel drowsy and soon started to doze off.

Suddenly, he felt a soft touch on his lips, as if something precious was drawing near.

He opened his eyes wide, locking onto Ling Jianshu’s intense, passionate gaze.

“Ling Brother, are you sure you’re straight?” heasked, bewildered.

Ling Jianshu’s eyes remained fixed on him, his voice hoarse as he replied, “I’m not so sure anymore.”

With that, he leaned in again, pressing his lips gently against his in a tender kiss.

Qiao Song’s heart raced, but he didn’t resist. In fact, he found himself enjoying the warmth of Ling Jianshu’s kiss, feeling an inexplicable sense of anticipation.

Ling Jianshu’s unique scent enveloped him as their lips moved together, and Qiao Song’s pulse quickened at the intimate connection.

When their lips finally parted, his breath was uneven.

He stared at Ling Jianshu, his eyes filled with confusion and uncertainty.

In a soft voice, he asked, “Ling Brother, are you really awake? Do you know who I am?”

Ling Jianshu gazed at him deeply, answering in a low voice, “Of course, I know.”

Still puzzled, Qiao Song asked, “But didn’t you say you were homophobic?”

Ling Jianshu took a deep breath and responded sincerely, “That was before I met you. Even now, I have no interest in other men—only you. Only you can catch my attention. Qiao Song, I like you.”

Qiao Song fell silent, his mind swirling with confusion and inner conflict.

He didn’t know how to respond to Ling Jianshu’s confession, his mind a torrent of emotions that surged uncontrollably.

The movie continued to play, but Qiao Song’s thoughts were far from the screen. His inner world had been shaken by Ling Jianshu’s words, leaving him in turmoil.

After the movie ended, the four of them returned to the dormitory together.

After washing up, Qiao Song walked alone to the balcony, letting the cool breeze wash over him. He took out his phone, opened WeChat, and sent a message to Ling Jianshu, asking if he wanted to come out and chat.

Their two other roommates had already fallen asleep. Ling Jianshu quietly made his way to the balcony, where he found him.

Qiao Song opened up his heart, slowly telling him about his past experiences and inner struggles:

“When I was ten, I was diagnosed with myocarditis and had to take prednisone for a long time. I knew it was to heal me, but what I didn’t expect was the side effect that followed—it made me gain weight. I looked in the mirror at this unfamiliar version of myself, and I was filled with despair and helplessness.

“My parents often said hurtful things to me back then, things like, ‘Look at yourself now, what do you look like?’ or ‘You’re so fat, how will you face people in the future?’

“Their disdain and scolding caused me immense pain and sadness. Their words were like sharp knives, cutting deep into my heart. I started doubting my worth, wondering if I was even deserving of love.

“By the time I was thirteen, my myocarditis had finally healed. But new problems arose. I began hating my former overweight self and developed anorexia. I refused to eat, almost ready to give up on life.

“I didn’t want to be fat again, didn’t want to be looked down on. I hated myself, hated the world. Every day, I was at war with my own heart, hating myself while trying to overcome anorexia. I started eating again, but the psychological scars remained, haunting me all these years.

“I’m terrified of gaining weight again. I fear people won’t like me anymore. I’ve always felt that the only way I’d be loved is if I stayed thin.

“I eat very little, even when facing delicious food, only daring to take small bites. I wash every bite with water before putting it in my mouth. I’m scared I’ll gain weight again, scared I’ll be rejected once more.”

Ling Jianshu listened, his heart aching at Qiao Song’s words.

He couldn’t help but gently caress his cheek, softly and affectionately calling him “Qiao Qiao…”

Qiao Song managed a bitter smile and continued.

“Do you know, Jianshu, many people have confessed to me before, but I always felt they only liked me for how I look now, for my thin appearance. I always thought they didn’t really understand me or my inner self.

“They don’t know what I’ve been through, don’t understand the pain and fear inside me. They don’t know why I’m so afraid of gaining weight.

“As someone who’s been hurt by my own parents, maybe the emotional wounds will never fully heal. If even my own parents couldn’t accept me, how could I trust anyone else?

“You say you like me. I want to believe that’s true, but I…”

He choked up, pausing before continuing, “But I need time to come to terms with this, to convince myself to believe you. Can you give me time, Jianshu?”

Ling Jianshu pulled him into his arms and softly said, “Qiao Song, I won’t pressure you. I’ll give you time. Thank you for not rejecting me outright. Please give me time, too, to show you that I love more than just your appearance, I love you for who you are.”

Qiao Song didn’t push him away. Instead, he gently wrapped his arms around Ling Jianshu’s waist, hiding his tears in his embrace.

For the next few days, Ling Jianshu kept accompanying Qiao Song to the cafeteria, but unlike before, he didn’t bring water for him to rinse his food anymore.

When Qiao Song asked why, he replied, “You’re too thin. It’s uncomfortable to hug you.”

Qiao Song understood that he was encouraging him to eat more and not to feel so burdened about it.

Wanting to reciprocate Ling Jianshu’s care, Qiao Song began trying not to rinse his food with water anymore.

After a week, he couldn’t resist asking, “Jianshu, do you think I’ve gained weight?”

Ling Jianshu examined him closely and then earnestly replied, “It seems like there’s a tiny bit of change…”

Qiao Song’s heart skipped a beat, fearing that the next thing Ling Jianshu would say was that he disliked this change.

But instead, he leaned down, whispering near his ear, “But you’ve become even cuter.”

Qiao Song felt his ears tingle, and his face turned slightly red.

Seeing Qiao Song’s shy expression, Ling Jianshu couldn’t help but plant a light kiss on his cheek.

Qiao Song felt his heart race, his chest filling with an indescribable happiness.

For the first time, he began to believe that maybe, just maybe, Ling Jianshu really wasn’t lying.

Maybe there really was someone in this world who would embrace the real him, no matter if he was thin or fat.

A few days later, Qiao Song signed up for a piano competition that required him to attend a two-week training session in another province.

The night before he left, Ling Jianshu held his hand and gently asked, “Will you miss me?”

Qiao Song looked into his eyes and countered, “What about you?”

Ling Jianshu didn’t hesitate, “I’m already missing you now.”

The words were too sweet.

Qiao Song’s heart skipped a beat, and under the soft moonlight, he couldn’t resist kissing Ling Jianshu’s lips.

Ling Jianshu, feeling Qiao Song’s rare initiative, immediately wrapped him tightly in his arms, responding passionately to the kiss.

Their soft lips met, and Qiao Song’s body gradually weakened, relying on Ling Jianshu’s embrace to stay standing.

Ling Jianshu took the opportunity to cup the back of his head, deepening the kiss.

Qiao Song’s breathing became ragged, their shared warmth rising between them.

Finally, as he found himself unable to breathe, he had to push Ling Jianshu away.

With a dazed, dreamy look in his eyes, he gazed at him, a trace of irresistible charm in his expression.

Ling Jianshu couldn’t help but plant another soft kiss on his lips before pulling him into his arms.

Qiao Song’s heart pounded loudly, his chest beating like a drum.

As he tried to calm his erratic breathing, he quietly snuggled into Ling Jianshu’s embrace, soaking in his warmth and the intensity of his affection.

At that moment, he seemed to forget all past pain, and everything around them faded away, leaving only the two of them.

Ling Jianshu, however, wasn’t ready to let him off so easily. He kissed his forehead while persistently asking, “You still haven’t answered me.”

“What?” Qiao Song asked, a bit confused.

“Will you miss me?”

A warm happiness filled his heart, and though his lips curved into a smile, he answered with feigned indifference, “Maybe a little.”

During the training days away, he tried to restrain himself.

He didn’t dare to contact Ling Jianshu too often, afraid it would affect his training or his competition.

Finally, after the competition ended, he returned to his hotel, relaxed, and stared at Ling Jianshu’s profile on WeChat.

Only then did all the repressed longing, like a flood, rush forth.

Unable to resist any longer, he made a video call to him.

In a slightly spoiled tone, he said, “Jianshu, I miss you!”

But to his surprise, instead of responding warmly as usual, Ling Jianshu’s tone was somewhat cold as he asked, “What time is your train tomorrow?”

He froze but obediently answered, “Tomorrow afternoon at 2 p.m., arriving in Lan City.”

Ling Jianshu nodded without expression and told him, “You’ve worked hard recently. Rest early.” Then he hung up the call.

Qiao Song, caught off guard by the sudden coldness, felt his mood plummet.

He didn’t understand why Ling Jianshu had become so distant, had he done something wrong?

The more he thought about it, the more upset he became. Tossing and turning in bed, he couldn’t fall asleep.

That night, in a half-asleep, half-awake state, he had a dream.

He dreamt that he was in Ling Jianshu’s arms, being kissed just as they had before parting, tender and passionate, making him want more.