I've Been Possessed, But What If I Get Pregnant First? - C109
#109
“Thank you.”
The teacher entered with a smile, holding cookies I used to like in her hand. They were peanut butter cookies she occasionally baked and gave me herself.
“Hmm… The weather is nice today, how about we go outside to eat?”
I closed my mouth again at the teacher’s careful question. Seeing this, the teacher awkwardly smiled and changed her words, saying it seemed like there was a lot of fine dust today.
We sat facing each other at the small table next to the bed. A long silence passed. The teacher looked at me with the same face as before, as if waiting for me to speak first.
At that wait, I finally spoke the words I had kept to myself for a long time.
“Teacher…”
“Yes, Yuwon.”
“Why… why did you pretend not to know all this time? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”
Though I didn’t mean to, words blaming the teacher came out without me realizing. Even I was so surprised by my words that I lowered my head.
“I’m, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant…”
“You might not remember, Yuwon, but you were really very sick for a long time.”
What I remember was up until I took sleeping pills and fell asleep. There was no way I could wake up fine after taking so many pills. From the teacher’s words, I realized there was a period I couldn’t remember until I woke up again.
“A lot happened after you ended up like that.”
“……”
“Especially to Taebeom.”
The teacher explained everything that had happened to me. After returning to the store, grandmother felt something was off and came back home, where she found me collapsed after taking sleeping pills.
I was taken to the hospital neither too early nor too late, but I had already taken a lot of medication so I didn’t wake up for a long time.
“The hyung you said you liked, it’s Taebeom, right?”
“……”
I couldn’t even dare to say I liked him. Everything was different now.
“You said before that hyung didn’t like you.”
“……”
“That wasn’t true. You were mistaken, Yuwon.”
“…What?”
“Taebeom thought of you very, very preciously.”
He thought of me… very preciously? But I’m nothing but an enemy to hyung… That must be right.
“Do you know who stayed by your side when you were fighting for your life in the ICU?”
No way…
“Yes. It was Taebeom. He really looked for you day and night. He was always such a perfect person, before and now. But that was the first time I saw him with such a pained face, in a mess, trying to never leave your side.”
“…Ah…”
My chest hurt so much imagining hyung as the teacher described. Why… why would hyung for someone like me… It hurt like someone was squeezing my heart tight.
“Are you okay? Wait-“
“No, it’s… fine… Please… continue talking…”
I shook my head and grabbed the teacher’s wrist as she was about to get up with a surprised face. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything, even the things I couldn’t remember, and understand myself and hyung.
“…When I heard that you had made such a choice and were fighting for your life. To be honest, I wanted to give up everything and run away. I felt really troubled, maybe not as much as you, but still very much, by the fact that I couldn’t protect you, my first patient who I considered like a younger brother. I was unqualified as a doctor.”
The teacher recalling those memories had the face of Yoon Seolah who cared for Cha Yuwon, not Doctor Yoon Seolah. She held my hand firmly and spoke while looking straight at me.
“But, Taebeom came to find me and told me not to give up on you. He must have been busy guarding your side and handling company work, but he traveled back and forth between Hong Kong and Seoul to persuade me.”
“……”
“He asked me to prepare so that you could come back whenever you regained your memories.”
Then when did hyung start… My suicide attempt was already 2 years ago. And from what the teacher just told me, it sounded like Kwon Taebeom had been waiting and watching over me, who couldn’t even remember, for 2 years.
“That’s how sincerely Taebeom loves you. I want you to know at least that much, Yuwon.”
***
‘That’s how sincerely Taebeom loves you. I want you to know at least that much, Yuwon.’
I kept recalling the teacher’s words to me. Hyung had always been protecting me, waiting for me, and loving me. Just that fact alone made my heart swell and I wanted to run to hyung right away.
“No… How could I have the nerve… What right do I have to be by hyung’s side…”
But I still didn’t have the courage to approach him. Not only did our parents cause his mother’s death, but I also left such a big scar on him. I knew hyung had been waiting for me for a long time, but it was right to leave him before it was too late.
“That’s right…”
This was how it should have been from the beginning. Rather, hearing the teacher’s words helped me organize my thoughts calmly.
I slowly got out of bed and started packing the things I had brought from my original home when I first came to this house. As I opened the closet door and started packing clothes, a navy blue tracksuit suddenly caught my eye.
It was the first clothes hyung gave me. The clothes hyung handed to me when I was soaking wet from a burst frozen water pipe. Those very clothes I wore on my ice-cold body after being drenched in cold water during the record-breaking cold wave. When I wore those clothes, it was warm as if someone had embraced me. Like hyung’s warmth.
As if turning away from that still vivid warmth, I closed the drawer containing the tracksuit. With a thud, the drawer closed shut and the tracksuit disappeared from view. I left my heart there too.
After packing for a long time with my uncomfortable body, I got up.
Now the problem was leaving here…. I wonder if I can escape well this time. Looking out the window, I saw that the sun had already set and the sky had turned dark. The reality that I had to run away from hyung again felt overwhelming. I hugged my thumping belly.
I had tried everything to escape. I pretended to go to Ho-ppang’s room and tried to run away with a pre-packed bag, and I even forcibly left the house saying I wanted to see grandmother. But unlike when I ran away to Gangwon-do before, which seemed like a joke now, strict surveillance was carried out around me. The uncles who would normally relent to my pleas with a stern look shook their heads at me with resolute faces.
With everywhere completely blocked off, the place I sought refuge in was the glass greenhouse. The greenhouse that hyung’s mother had personally cultivated for him paradoxically became my sanctuary.
I sat in a chair, looking at the beautifully blooming flowers welcoming summer. The appearance of the greenhouse had subtly changed while I was asleep. The pretty but slightly uncomfortable chair had been replaced with a soft fabric material, and the table that was a bit big had been adjusted to my seated height.
“Haah…”
If only he had resented me and treated me harshly, I wouldn’t feel this stifled. Whenever I saw hyung being kind to me, I was overwhelmed with guilt and couldn’t do anything.
“Sunflowers…”
As I lay listlessly on the table, my gaze fell on the bright yellow sunflowers blooming on one side. The soil around the sunflowers was a darker brown, as if they had been newly planted. Seeing the sunflowers, their flower language automatically came to mind.
I love you. And waiting.
Did hyung bring them for me to see? It might be too self-centered a thought, but I was certain that hyung would have done something like that. I stared at the bright yellow sunflowers for a long time before turning my head.
“Ha… okay, I’m sorry, Ho-ppang.”
Coming to my senses at a small movement, I realized my meals had been too poor. I got up from my seat, soothing Ho-ppang who seemed to be expressing discontent by kicking hard. I left the greenhouse and walked along the path connected to the main house to eat something.
Suddenly coming outside, the midsummer weather hit my cheeks. I stopped for a moment in the high temperature that made it hard to breathe. I looked around to see if there were any uncles following me.
They must have been told to keep watch but stay far away, as I couldn’t see any uncles.
What should I do… I’m getting dizzier. As my breath rose higher and higher to my chin, I frowned and bent my knees. Ha… what should I do. Wait-
Feeling this wouldn’t do, I fumbled for my phone. At that moment, someone approached me and asked in a worried voice.
“Are you okay?”
“…Ah, yes, ugh.”
It felt like I was having contractions again. Since passing the 20th week, this had been happening irregularly as the uterus expanded. Of all times, when I came outside…
As I started sweating profusely, the uncle supported me and led me to the main house.