I've Been Possessed, But What If I Get Pregnant First? - C108
#108
I had been doing well, taking my medicine every day and receiving counseling therapy. I smiled as if I had forgotten everything that happened that day, and held grandmother’s hand tightly while taking walks.
I had been waiting for just this day. After waiting for over half a year, I finally decided on today.
I asked grandmother again in a clear and distinct voice.
“I want to be discharged now.”
“No.”
But as if she still couldn’t be at ease, grandmother firmly rejected my request. I closed my eyes, looking around the luxurious hospital room.
No matter how I thought about it, this single room was impossible with our family’s circumstances. With our hand-to-mouth living, there was no way we could afford a room not covered by insurance.
“Grandmother, I don’t want to be here.”
“……”
“Hyung arranged this, didn’t he…?”
“…No, your grandmother-“
“……”
‘You’re lying… What money do we have?’
Grandmother looked at my expression and then averted her gaze.
At the end of the faint memory of that day was Kwon Taebeom. I had left a scar on hyung with my own hands, hurt him with my own hands. I could still vividly feel Kwon Taebeom’s hot blood flowing down my wrist.
“Hyung is…”
I started to speak but then firmly closed my mouth. I don’t even have the right to worry about or think of hyung. Not only his mother, but I also put hyung in danger. This must be what they call an ill-fated relationship.
I once imagined that hyung and I were destined to be together. But our meeting was not destiny, just an ill-fated connection. And one where only I had sinned against him.
“Grandmother. I want to go… Please let me.”
“…Yuwon.”
“Being here… it keeps making me think of hyung. It’s too painful for me.”
Thinking of hyung, tears welled up in my eyes again. Beyond the blurry tears, I could see grandmother’s aged face.
Grandmother, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I closed my eyes, repeating in my mind the words I couldn’t bring myself to tell grandmother.
In the end, grandmother couldn’t break my stubbornness. The home I returned to after a long time still had everything the same. Everything was the same, but only I had changed.
Grandmother, worried about me being alone for the first time in a long while, couldn’t even go to the store and paced in front of me.
I forced a smile and urged grandmother to go check on the store. It had been closed for a long time, so it was time to check on it. I saw grandmother off with a smiling face until the end as she left the house with reluctant steps, and then firmly locked the front door.
I immediately went into my room and sat at the desk. I took out an old diary and turned the pages one by one, tracing the footsteps of my life.
“I was really happy then…”
I reminisced about the day I went to the drive-in theater with hyung for the first time. I used to exercise two or three times a week, but because hyung was there, I went every day and my body couldn’t keep up. In the end, when I couldn’t even walk properly due to muscle pain all over my body, hyung took me out, bought me meals, and showed me movies.
In the dark car, I secretly stole glances at hyung’s face illuminated by the screen’s light and tightly held my pounding heart. Looking down at the diary full of excitement, I turned to the next page.
“I was so happy then too…”
The diary’s atmosphere was divided into before and after meeting hyung. As I turned the pages one by one, reminiscing about memories, my heart grew heavier. Even expressing my feelings of liking hyung like this was greed.
Rip-
I tore out the diary pages that revealed all my feelings for hyung.
Rip-
I erased all our memories accumulated over the years we met.
Rip-
Looking at the shredded pieces of paper, I started writing today’s date at the bottom of the now empty diary. Plop, tears fell and began to soak the paper. I wrote down my final words to grandmother and closed the diary.
“I’m really sorry…”
Sitting on the bed, I took out the medicine bottle I had kept in my pocket. These were pills I had gradually collected by not taking the medicine given at the hospital. I poured all the pills from the bottle into my mouth and drank water. A mass of small pills went down my throat.
“Ugh, haah…”
Having not eaten anything for so long, even swallowing the pills was difficult. My stomach felt unwell, as if the pills were rolling around inside. I forcibly held my breath and suppressed the urge to retch.
Gradually my stomach started to burn as I felt the pills dissolving. I lay down on the bed as if collapsing and blinked my eyes. I weakly curled up the corners of my mouth at the increasingly blurry vision.
Heh-
A bitter laugh burst out. Was this what I had endured all this time, living in pain, just to end it like this? A sound that was neither laughter nor crying escaped through my lips.
“Haah…”
As my narrowing vision went dark, I felt strength leaving my entire body.
If I’m given another life, please let me just remain an extra passing by in Kwon Taebeom’s life. With my last remaining strength, I prayed earnestly and closed my eyes.
***
‘Why, why did you come back for me?’
Taebeom recalled Yuwon’s words to him before losing consciousness. It was all his doing – not letting go of Yuwon, coming back for Yuwon. He couldn’t forget Yuwon’s gaze, looking at him with what seemed like resentment, yet also full of guilt.
“How’s Yuwon?”
The man guarding the door shook his head. Taebeom, about to open the tightly closed door, let out a big sigh. Then he removed his hand from the doorknob and knocked.
Knock knock-
“Yuwon. Open the door. Let’s talk face to face.”
Taebeom quietly called out to Yuwon who would be on the other side of the door. After a moment, a faint sound came from inside.
“I have nothing to say to you, hyung. Just let me go.”
Taebeom let out a deep sigh at the situation that had already repeated several times.
The first thing Yuwon did after regaining his memories was to hide alone in his room. He absolutely refused to talk with the people from Uneun-dong and insisted on staying isolated by himself.
“Let’s come out and talk first. It’s been days already.”
Taebeom closed his eyes as it seemed Yuwon had fallen silent again and nothing could be heard. At first, Yuwon refused even meals and only asked to be sent home, until Taebeom couldn’t stand it anymore and forcibly opened the door to go inside.
Then, with almost seizure-like symptoms, Yuwon pushed Taebeom away with a terrified face. Seeing him reject him to such an extent, Taebeom had no choice but to wait until Yuwon opened his heart first.
“Then at least eat something. …Think of Ho-ppang. Okay?”
Having touched on Yuwon’s weakest point, Taebeom gave instructions with his chin to the man standing in front of the door. Once again unable to see Yuwon, it was only after Taebeom came down to the first floor that he could hear the sound of the door on the second floor opening with a click. At times like this, he resented his dominant alpha physique with its overly sensitive senses.
“Boss.”
Taebeom sat on the living room sofa and flipped through the documents Junseok handed him.
“If you’re tired, should I adjust the schedule?”
“It’s fine.”
Taebeom refused in a firm tone and moved his eyes busily. As if he had some compulsion not to stay still even for a moment, Taebeom drove his body harshly every minute and second.
The house that had been full of warmth like gentle sunlight quickly cooled down, becoming as cold as it had been years ago when no one’s warmth remained.
Junseok quietly stood by Taebeom’s side, facing the uneasy air as if standing on the edge of a cliff.
***
“Haah… haah…”
I held my breath until hyung left and then let it out in gasps. I didn’t want to do anything in front of him.
After regaining my memories, my days passed listlessly to the point where I didn’t know how my world was turning. There were times when I almost collapsed from not eating, and times when I didn’t go outside for over a week. Because of that, the house was turned upside down at one point.
“Ah…”
With a body not far from the due date, I became short of breath even with small movements. I put the neatly prepared food down on the table haphazardly and lay on the bed with difficulty.
When I placed my hand on my swollen belly as I lay quietly, I could feel Ho-ppang’s movements. As I gently stroked my belly, Ho-ppang seemed to kick happily as if greeting me. While Ho-ppang’s lively movements made me happy, I also felt conflicted.
“I’m sorry… Ho-ppang.”
Could Ho-ppang feel my feelings too? As the movements gradually calmed down, I let out a deep sigh. I wasn’t sure what to do going forward. There were still unresolved issues between hyung and me.
It wasn’t something that could be overlooked just because I had lost my memories, or because Ho-ppang existed between hyung and me. My vision blurred as if trapped in a long, dark tunnel with no end in sight.
“What should we do, Ho-ppang……”
With no appetite, I helplessly looked out the window until the steaming food turned cold. And then, someone gently knocked on the door and called for me.
“Yuwon… Can we talk for a moment?”
It was Teacher Yoon Seolah. My heart softened at her voice calling me kindly as always. No, maybe it was because I knew she was the only one I could open up to about my true feelings. After chewing on my lips and hesitating for a moment, I finally got up from the bed and opened the door.