If you don't love me, I will die. - Chapter 86

A hazy sensation enveloped my mind as awareness returned.

Though still uncomfortable, it had become somewhat familiar.

The once brightly lit surroundings gradually came back into focus, and someone’s voice filtered through.

“Will Edward Radner take Lady Ania Brontë to be his wife, promising to make her happy for the rest of her life?”

As I regained my senses, the figure before me was the bishop of Brontë Estate.

Listening to his words and the sounds, it seemed to be a wedding ceremony.

“Yes. I swear,” my mouth spoke on its own accord.

A voice slightly more mature and resolute than now.

Unmistakably awkward.

The bishop spoke again.

“Lady Ania, do you swear to take Edward as your husband and live happily ever after?”

“I do swear,” came a sweet voice that tickled my ears.

I turned my head slowly.

And there she was, familiar yet somehow unfamiliar, Ania.

Ania at 20.

She stared at the bishop with an expressionless face.

What could she be thinking?

I don’t know.

All I could do was watch the scene unfold, mingling with memories within the landscape.

And so, the wedding continued.

Edward’s heart was racing.

But Ania remained impassive.

“Aren’t you cold?”
“No.”
“Need help walking?”
“I’m fine. I can walk by myself.”

Edward seemed to be concerned about her and kept talking to her.

After the wedding ceremony, we boarded the carriage.

“Let’s depart!”

The carriage moved slowly.

Ania stared out the window silently.

As if regretting the unwanted wedding.

But Edward’s gaze never left Ania.

From the beginning to the end of the wedding, Edward’s eyes remained fixed on Ania.

And then my vision brightens.

***

I found myself in the mansion.

I was in the mansion’s dining room.

As I slowly raised my gaze, Ania’s face came into view again.

“Is the food to your liking?”

A voice flowed from my mouth.

“Yes. It’s delicious.”
“That’s good.”

Edward seemed to toy with his food momentarily before looking back at Ania.

“Would you like more wine?”
“No, thank you. I’ll manage.”

Ania’s voice was cold.

Her demeanor was surprisingly calm, but it didn’t strike me as odd.

If my guess is correct, this is a memory from the original work.

In the original, Ania is always cold to Edward.

Despite proposing the marriage herself, it’s as if she was sold…

But I still can’t fathom the reason.

Only Edward’s memories are accessible to me.

It was impossible to know what lay within Ania’s heart.

Yet, I carefully observed Ania’s demeanor.

Ania was earnestly engrossed in her meal.

Still wearing her usual expression.

Or perhaps, looking a bit lonely.

‘Why…?’

It was the marriage she desired, the covenant she brought about.

The answer had to be found between the original work and reality.

But the Edward in my memory was botching it up.

“Here, have some more.”

Edward personally served the goose dish onto Ania’s plate.

Ania subtly stiffened her expression as if it wasn’t quite to her liking.

“I’m really okay, Edward. I can manage.”

Yet, Edward still called for a servant to refill Ania’s glass and change her utensils.

He smiled as if satisfied.

“…….”.

Only then did I realize.

Edward was repeating the same actions that those she so vehemently detested had done.

Forcing her against her will and expecting something from her.

But what puzzled me the most was a different aspect.

This… was not part of the original work.

While Edward was sincere towards Ania, there was no overt annoyance from her in my memory.

No… perhaps it could have been there.

However, Ania initiated this marriage herself.

It was a marriage made to uphold a promise made long ago.

However, the readers are unaware of that.

They don’t know what relationship Ania and Edward existed.

They don’t know what promises they made in the past.

All the readers know is that Ania unilaterally broke off several past engagements.

And that she proposed marriage to Edward herself.

So, naturally, there would be no sympathy towards Ania from the readers.

They would see her as nothing more than a villainess toying with men’s hearts.

It was a kind of narrative trick.

I let out a sigh that wasn’t voiced, feeling disheartened.

The fact that I had misunderstood Ania for two years because of such a trivial truth felt absurdly disheartening.

But it was all in the past.

I knew that regretting the past would change nothing.

Yet, my heart still felt constricted.

The harsh words I had spoken to Ania hurt her feelings so much that it drove her to throw herself onto the distant ground beyond the window.

It must have been unbearable.

Painful.

I shook my head.

This wasn’t the time to dwell on it.

I shouldn’t indulge in melancholy and torment alone.

The past is the past.

I should apologize for my mistakes and focus on the future.

As I thought that, Ania, who was sitting opposite me, finished her meal and stood up.

“Edward.”

Ania spoke, looking at Edward, who stood up despite not finishing his meal.

“I have a favor to ask.”
“Anything, just tell me.”

Edward’s heart raced.

Even if she asked him to drain a pond right away, he’d gladly do it.

“I need to… return to my family for a while.”
“What?”

Edward’s heart sank, and I could feel it too.

“If I did something wrong…”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“I just… feel a bit unsettled.”

Edward didn’t ask any further.

Whether it was because he dared not to stop Ania from doing so, or he was shocked…

Ania left the mansion with the guidance of the servants and boarded the carriage.

Edward could only watch the carriage disappearing into the distance with endless longing.

From afar, it might seem like a somewhat sad story, but what I saw was Edward’s clumsiness.

And then the vision brightened again.

***

“…..?”

I tilted my head in confusion.

“What’s going on?”

Until now, my memories had been reflecting Edward’s gaze.

Naturally, it would be Edward’s memories.

But… what I was looking at now was a carriage.

The outside of the carriage with Ania and a few servants inside.

Somewhere out there, a gaze slowly followed the carriage.

This isn’t Edward’s memory.

I focused.

Gradually, the gaze approached the carriage.

I saw Ania leaning against the window, looking outside.

“Miss, are you okay? If you’re feeling unwell, it’s okay to rest for a while.”
“I’m fine, Ricktman.”

Ricktman.

At the familiar name, I turned my gaze inward, and Ricktman was sitting opposite.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen that face.

Where could he be, and what could he be doing now?

When he came before, I treated him coldly.

But looking back, his words were undoubtedly true.

I thought he was acting for Brontë’s sake, but it was for Ania…

“I just… feel a bit strange.”
“Do you have any worries?”
“It seems so.”
“Would you not tell me? I may be an old man with nothing special to offer, but I can listen.”

Ania faintly smiled at Ricktman’s words before returning to a gloomy expression.

“It was the marriage I wanted so badly… I think I had too many fantasies.”
“It’s common for everyone to have fantasies about marriage.”
“But Edward wasn’t a fantasy. Even though it’s been a long time since we last saw each other…”
“He’s changed too much… Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes, Ricktman.”

As Ania laughed melancholicly, Ricktman stroked his chin and sighed.

“People tend to change, Miss.”
“I know that too.”
“Master Edward must be the same. But in my eyes, he remained the same.”
“No. He has changed. Edward was kind, but he wasn’t a man who obsessed over me.”

As Ania spoke hesitantly, Ricktman chuckled.

“Haha. Miss… that wasn’t obsession.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s clumsiness. Wouldn’t any man’s heart flutter seeing a girl he once saw as a child become such a beautiful lady?”
“Was it?”

Ania shook her head as if unsure.

“Well, of course. How could any young man be composed before such a beautiful lady? In my eyes, it seemed Master Edward might have fallen for you.”
“I hope so.”

With Ania’s words, my vision soared high.

And then the world brightened again.