If you don't love me, I will die. - Chapter 70

“Fortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any serious issues, but it seems like taking a rest for a while would be a good idea. It looks like it’s been quite taxing.”

Though taken aback by the people arriving late at night, the physician checked Viola’s condition.
He couldn’t just leave someone who had collapsed.

“Will she be okay?”
“Yes. She doesn’t seem to have any major illness, just a slightly weak constitution. It could be due to recent stress.”
“Stress…”

Ania murmured softly at the doctor’s words.

“For now, it’s best to let her rest a bit.”
“Thank you.”

He bowed slightly as if it were nothing and left the room.

Viola lay quietly with her eyes closed, more peaceful than usual.
With the servants waiting outside, only Ania and I remained in the silent room.

Ania was almost glued to the bed, kneeling on the floor and gazing quietly at her mother’s face.
Her expression seemed devoid of any emotion yet filled with more complexity than usual.

“Let’s start heading back. We need to rest,”

I pulled up Ania’s hand to lift her, but she didn’t move away from Viola.

“Are you worried?”
“No.”

Even as she spoke, her eyes couldn’t tear away from her mother.

“Since they said we should rest, let’s go back.”
“……”

The night grew deeper. It was already past midnight, and dawn was approaching.
Yet Ania seemed to have no intention of leaving.

“So she collapsed because of stress…”
“Yeah.”
“I cannot forgive her…But if she collapsed because of me…”
“It’s not because of you.”

There are countless reasons for stress in the world.
Perhaps fatigue had accumulated from the long journey from the East to the Empire.

“Or maybe you want to forgive her.”
“I don’t feel that way.”
“Still, you told me you wanted to meet her. Furthermore, you don’t want to leave her side now, even when I’m suggesting it.”
“…”

Ania returned to her room without answering.

There were barely three days left before I would set out to tour the Empire again.

Before then, she wanted to somehow resolve their relationship.

***

After that, Ania often visited Viola’s room and stayed by her bedside.

Viola, who they thought would wake up soon, didn’t open her eyes until two days later.

Despite Ania’s frequent presence, unfortunately, when Viola finally opened her eyes, Ania wasn’t there.
Viola hoped that knowing her daughter worried about her might make Ania put even the slightest effort.

And as soon as Viola opened her eyes, she began packing her things.

“Are you really going back?”
“Yes. I have to.”

It seemed she wouldn’t return to the East again. She was carrying far too much for that.

“Where will you go?”
“I’ve done everything I could in the East. I have the name of Bronte, so I must return to where I belong.”

Viola Bronte said with a faint smile.

“As for Ania…”

My hope that their relationship would return to normal seemed futile as Viola shook her head.

“It was my selfishness.”
“At least I don’t see it that way.”
“Thank you.”

She slowly left the room with her two big bags.

“Thank to you, Edward. I feel relieved knowing you’re by Ania’s side.”
“You don’t need to worry. Though I’ve strayed a bit, I promised to make her happy.”
“You’re reliable.”

When Viola collapsed, she stayed by the bedside like a wife waiting for her husband, who had gone out to sea.
However now, Ania still hadn’t come out; she remained in her room.

“But it would be better if you saw Ania once before you go.”

Viola shook her head.

“I don’t want to make things unnecessarily uncomfortable.”
“I don’t think she would feel uncomfortable.”
“But I believe so.”
“If that’s the case, it can’t be helped.”

Eventually, she got into the car.
After it departs for the Bronte estate, they wouldn’t have many opportunities to talk properly.

Ania had already abandoned the Bronte family.

Approaching Viola Bronte, who was getting into the car, I noticed the joy that was there when I first met her had faded from her face.

A person so stubborn yet willing to step back just to avoid discomfort for her daughter. She must have loved Ania a lot.

“May I ask you one thing?”
“Yes.”
“Is it true that you love Ania? Will you abandon her again like she had told you?

Viola looked ahead without answering, and then a faint smile appeared on her face.

“I’ve never not loved her even once.”

There was a hint of moisture in her eyes.

“But I was young. I didn’t know that if you don’t express your love, others won’t know.”
“I understand. We all make mistakes as we live.”
“Mistakes… it’s too late to call it a mistake. You call them mistakes when you can undo them. What I did wasn’t one; I was wrong. It’s not a mistake I can apologize for. I’ve made my decision then, and I regret it.”
“It can be turned back.”

Memories from a distant past resurfaced.

Once, when things were strained between Ania and me, I heard a saying.
The person who said it pushed me into a pit, but even so, that saying was not wrong.

“Feelings are something you can’t know unless they’re expressed.”

Viola’s pupils widened, and then she let out a small laugh.

“You’ve grown to say such great words. You were truly a child once.”
“I only repeated what I heard. I’m not a good person either.”
“No, you’re a much better person than I am.”
“Thank you.”
“Then…”

Viola slowly closed the car door. The window on the passenger side rolled up slowly, and I nodded to the driver with my head down.

“Drive safely.”
“Yes, I will.”

Viola waved her hand from the back seat.

“Well, if we have the chance to meet again later.”
“Yes, you’re welcome to visit anytime.”

With that, the window closed, and the car engine roared to life.

Once this car departed, everything would be over.
Thinking like that didn’t bring any relief.

But there was nothing I could do.
The relationship of the two party’s could only be fixed if they were both willing.
Even if a third party like me intervened, nothing would change.

The wheels of the car began to move slowly, when I someone shouted from behind me.

“Edward!”

Ania was running toward the front gate of the mansion.

***

Sitting side by side in the back seat of the car heading towards the Bronte family, Viola and Ania looked silently out the window, lost in their own thoughts.

The morning sunlight brightened the scenery, but Ania’s heart sank deeper and deeper.

‘What was I thinking…’

She didn’t know what she was doing, but Ania got into the car.
There was something she wanted to say… but once she got into the back seat and sat next to her mother, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

As she stared blankly out the window, unable to think straight, Viola spoke up.

“Ania.”

Ania didn’t turn her head but listened attentively.

‘She’s someone I can’t forgive.’

She couldn’t forgive someone who didn’t love her after giving birth to her.
If she easily forgave the twenty years she had lived missing her perfectly healthy mother, her mother might do the same again thinking it was normal.

So she would never forgive.
If she didn’t, she would come back.
She would return to her, begging for forgiveness and looking to her for comfort.

“I’ve been too indifferent all this time.”

But Ania’s heart was already crumbling.
It wasn’t a matter of forgiving or not.
The human heart was so cunning, never acting as one wished

“It was much more than that.”

Ania deliberately spoke curtly.

If her heart softened, her mother would leave again.
Just like everyone else.

“Were you lonely?”
“No. I wasn’t lonely. Edward didn’t neglect me.”
“I see.”

Ania involuntarily turned her head at the somber tone.

Viola was now staring out the window.
Or perhaps she had been staring from the beginning.

Because of that, Ania couldn’t discern her expression.
She wanted to know.

“However… Ania, I’ve never once forgotten you.”

At those words, Ania felt something warm rising in her chest.

“If you’ve never forgotten me!”

She made a mistake.
It was too late.

She had always been adept at hiding her emotions, but when did she become unable to do so?

“If you’ve never forgotten me, then what did you do? You didn’t send a single letter, and you didn’t come to see me when I got married!”

She couldn’t contain her words,
Nor could she return her overflowing emotions.

Ania stared at Viola’s back.

Yet even so, her bitter feelings didn’t dissipate.

“I was too clumsy.”
“…”

Viola turned her head to look at Ania.
Tears were streaming down her eyes.

“I’m your mother… I may be an adult now, but… until I gave birth to you, I was still just a child.”

She was clumsy.
That couldn’t serve as an excuse.
Ania knew that.
She knew that alone couldn’t cover up the wrongs.

But for some reason, the words “I was clumsy” resonated deeply with her.

More than any other excuse.

Author’s Note

Sometimes, I think back to when I was young.

Now I’ve matured, but back then, I lacked courage in many ways.

Because of that, I remember losing many good relationships.

If only I could mend those distorted relationships from back then, wouldn’t the present be even more wonderful?

I think about it often.

Translator’s Corner

No fighting with the author’s notes today. Wanted to mention I’m translating another novel.

Research Life of a New Professor at Magic University

Just saw it and thought it looked nice. Hopefully I don’t drop this one.

-Ruminas