If You Want Me - Episode 62
<Episode 62>
Dazedly, he looked up at the clock on the wall. It was already 7 o’clock in the evening. Through the half-open sliding door, the yellowish sky at sunset was visible. And through the open crack, the savory smell of soybean paste soup was wafting in.
Perhaps because of the smell of food, or because it was dinner time. His stomach rumbled as if it had been waiting. After some thought, Seo-won took his morning sickness medicine just in case and left the room.
Coming out to the yard, he saw rice, soup, peppers, ssamjang (soybean paste dip), lettuce, etc. neatly arranged on a small table placed on the wooden pyeong-sang (low table) in the center. There were two bowls.
‘I only ended up staying here by chance, I didn’t even ask for meals…’
Moreover, he hadn’t paid any money, nor had they discussed the cost of accommodation. He was hungry and wanted to eat right away, but he wasn’t sure how to react.
After hesitating for a while standing at the door, the old woman sat in front of the table, looked at Seo-won, and raised her voice.
“What are you doing not coming quickly? The food will get cold!”
“Co-coming…”
Somehow it felt like he would get scolded if he didn’t go, so Seo-won awkwardly sat across from her. Then the old woman picked up her spoon and started eating as if she had been waiting.
It was a natural atmosphere, but Seo-won still struggled with whether it was okay to accept. Although he was relatively good at getting along well with elders, it had not even been a day since he met the old woman, so he was unsure if it was alright to receive so much.
As Seo-won continued to hesitate, the old woman stopped eating and glanced at him.
“You don’t want to eat?”
“No! That’s not it, I… During my stay, how should we handle the accommodation fee?”
“Don’t worry about it. Why would you give money? It’s a room I’m not using anyway.”
“Still… You gave me f-food too, so I should at least pay for meals.”
“I was getting lonely eating alone every day, so just think of it as keeping an old woman company and stay put. You won’t be able to make money well while you’re here, so you need to save up, right?”
“……”
“So stop saying unnecessary things and just eat.”
The old woman replied nonchalantly as if asking if that’s all he was dragging on about, and picked up her spoon again.
At her words, Seo-won felt his emotions welling up for some reason. Because he knew her indifferent treatment and self-deprecating remark calling herself an old woman was to lessen his burden.
Ever since confessing to Do-gyeom, Seo-won had felt melancholic and on the edge of a cliff, as if he had lost everything in life.
For the past 6 years, he never regretted being Do-gyeom’s pheromone partner. But now he was having doubts about why he had stayed by his side, and felt empty as if he had done nothing during that time. Surely he had done valuable things besides partner work, but it felt like all those years had been denied.
But meeting this old woman, hearing that many people ran away like him, and seeing a stranger taking care of him like this made him feel warmth.
Feeling his eyes grow hot, Seo-won tightly grasped the spoon on the table.
Seo Do-gyeom wasn’t the only thing in his life. He would have the baby well somehow, go back and live splendidly with his mother as if to show him. His life was his own.
“Thank you for the food…”
“Good. The peppers aren’t spicy so try dipping them in ssamjang. Don’t be a picky eater and eat up.”
As Seo-won said grace before the meal, the old woman readily served him food as if she had been waiting.
Seo-won didn’t refuse any of the food she gave him and ate it all. In the end, he even got a joke from the old woman that she wouldn’t need to do dishes with how cleanly he emptied the bowls.
He had brought his morning sickness medicine, but today his stomach didn’t churn even without taking it. Eating food that suited his tastes was rare, so his mood lifted a bit.
* * *
After filling his stomach, Seo-won helped the old woman with the dishes.
And afterwards, while wiping the table and wooden pyeong-sang, the old woman who had been briefly away approached and held something out to Seo-won.
“Wash up with this.”
“Pardon? What is this?”
“You need to brush your teeth before bed, don’t you?”
Stopping mid-wipe and looking up, the old woman was holding a towel and toiletries in her hand. The toiletries looked newly bought, still unopened.
She didn’t need to prepare things like this… He wondered if it was okay to accept the room, meals, and now even toiletries. But if he refused, it seemed she would brush it off saying to stop unnecessary talk and just take it like before.
Seo-won bowed his head and accepted what she was holding.
“Thank you…”
“Is it because I fed you? Your complexion looks much better than before. No matter how hard it gets, people need to eat to live.”
“…Yes.”
Seo-won answered in a small voice and nodded at the old woman’s advice.
It was a kind thing to say, but it reminded him of what his mother used to say – that he needed to eat even if he was sick – so it stung his heart a little.
“I’m going to bed at 9, so don’t make noise and keep yourself entertained.”
He had no one to call since he cancelled his phone, and he didn’t know anyone on this island to invite over… He wanted to say that wouldn’t happen, but it wasn’t something he needed to respond to, so he just nodded.
The old woman went into her room, and Seo-won lightly washed up with the toiletries she had given him. He usually went to bed around midnight, so he wasn’t sleepy and his eyes were wide open.
Out of boredom, he thought about taking a walk, but outside it was pitch dark with only moonlight. There were no store lights and it seemed dangerous, plus being unfamiliar he might get lost if he went out thoughtlessly, so he decided against going out.
Feeling stuffy just staying in the small room, Seo-won sat on the wooden porch and looked up at the pitch-black sky without a single cloud. Perhaps because there was little light in the village, or because the air was clean. Unlike Seoul, the stars were incredibly visible.
Come to think of it, the stars were probably visible in the countryside he briefly lived in before, but back then he was so frazzled and busy that he must not have even thought to look up at the sky. He had no memory of gazing at the night sky like this.
“Phew…”
Seo-won let out a big sigh as if taking a deep breath and fell into thought for a moment.
Although it weighed on his mind that he had cancelled his phone thinking Do-gyeom might look for him, and only sent a brief text to his mother… He had no regrets about his choice. Rather, it felt like he had found a bit of leisure from the busy and rushed life before.
Having time to think about himself was also a change. Seeing the saying that first loves don’t come true, there must be quite a lot of people who were rejected like him. Of course, he had liked Do-gyeom since age 14, so for 12 years, but… Anyway, it must be common.
Being partners for 6 years too. Although he had felt so gloomy that he wanted to cut out that time, it wasn’t entirely in vain since he was able to buy a house for his mother through it. If he said he bought it with money earned as a pheromone partner, she would have stopped him saying not to do it, but being able to buy his parents a house at 26 was an ability if anything…
And he had graduated from a top Korean university during that time, so it wasn’t like he did nothing. He couldn’t deny that he had clung to Do-gyeom’s side too pitifully, but it wasn’t like he only did useless things.
Moreover, he wasn’t that old either. After having the baby and returning, he wanted to try approaching people around him more and living differently.
He had left to thoughtlessly run away. But in just a day, he felt like he had unexpectedly gained and realized a lot.
Until he boarded the boat, he thought he would spend tonight depressed, wetting his pillow with tears.
Even though only a day had passed, he felt he had made the right choice leaving.
* * *
“Why is a young guy so slow?”
“Huh…?”
He had been sleeping so soundly, but a sharp voice forcibly pulled his mind above slumber.
Opening his drowsy eyes, the sliding door he had shut tightly was now half-open, and the pitch-black sky had at some point turned a cloudless blue.
Was it already morning? He was about to move his gaze to the wall clock to check the time, but the old woman bent over, grabbed Seo-won’s arm and shook it roughly.
“Get up and eat breakfast!”
“Break…fast?”
“That’s right!”
He wanted to refuse, craving sleep more than food, but it seemed she had already set the table as the savory smell of food wafted in through the crack of the door.
With no choice, he drowsily got up from his spot, and the old woman looked down at him as if pathetic and left the room. Looking at the clock as he got up, it was only 6 o’clock in the morning.
“No wonder it felt early…”
He had a lot on his mind yesterday so he tossed and turned, only falling asleep around 1 AM… Turns out it was true that you lose the ability to sleep in as you age.
Grumbling and coming outside, breakfast was laid out on the wooden pyeong-sang in the yard like yesterday. The menu was similar to what she had prepared yesterday. The only change was the addition of fluffy steamed potatoes.
Seo-won sat down and spoke to the old woman in a small voice.
“You don’t need to take care of breakfast too…”
“You don’t eat breakfast? No wonder you’re so sickly.”
“That’s not it…”
“What’s not it? Put on some weight before you talk. Hurry up and eat.”
“……”
The old woman nagged at him as if telling him to say something that made sense, then picked up her spoon.
Seo-won paused for a moment at her words. Telling him to put on weight before talking reminded him of what Do-gyeom had said before. For a moment, his memories with him surfaced like tossing a rock on a still water surface, creating ripples.
His stomach churned as if he was seasick. As he sat still without even picking up his spoon, the old woman added more, probably thinking Seo-won was being mindful and not eating again.
“You need to eat three meals a day even for the baby’s sake. When you’re pregnant, all the nutrients go to the baby and you don’t absorb much either.”
“I heard that too… Thank you for your consideration.”
He had decided to try living normally like other people, leaving Do-gyeom behind. Even if he suddenly came to mind, he had to forget and act ordinary.
Seo-won picked up the spoon on the table and cleanly ate up the food laid out. Although it was a similar menu as yesterday, this time his stomach churned a bit so he took his morning sickness medicine.
The baby was so fickle. It must take after Do-gyeom to torment him like this.