If You Want Me - Episode 30
<Episode 30>
Seeing Seulgi worried about his financial situation was a bit absurd but also cute. Seo-won smiled and gently stroked the child’s hair, then walked her home safely.
Left alone, Seo-won checked the time and let out a small sigh.
“Karaoke…”
Karaoke was also not a place Seo-won frequented. He wasn’t particularly good at singing, so singing in front of others felt somehow embarrassing.
Compared to the arcade, the price was a bit much, but it seemed like there was nowhere else to spend time in this village besides karaoke.
Even though he didn’t really like games, the arcade was quite nice… So if he actually went, it might be fun.
He didn’t have much expectation, but Seo-won’s steps were headed towards the karaoke place Seulgi had told him about.
* * *
“Please go to room number 3.”
When Seo-won finished paying at the counter, the employee handed him a new microphone cover along with the room directions. Perhaps because it was daytime or there were no customers at the karaoke, there seemed to be no one else besides him.
As soon as he opened the door with the number 3 sign, Seo-won unintentionally let out a hollow laugh. The floral wallpaper in various colors pricked his eyes, as if the karaoke wasn’t aimed at young people. The colorful lights quietly rotating were honestly hard to bear too.
“It doesn’t seem like a place elementary school kids would come to play…”
No matter how he looked at it, it didn’t seem to have the vibe kids would like, but this seemed to be the only karaoke place in this neighborhood.
Well, what does the interior matter? As long as he could sing. Thinking that, Seo-won picked up the heavy karaoke song book on the table.
Sitting on the sofa with the book on his lap, he checked from the latest songs, but the last song was from two months ago, as if they didn’t update it swiftly.
“There’s nothing to sing…”
He thought he listened to songs quite often, but there were few songs he knew. There were some familiar songs, but they weren’t songs he could sing alone.
Giving up on the book, Seo-won directly searched for songs using the machine. The song he searched for was a ballad he usually listened to while working. It wasn’t particularly a song he wanted to sing, but it was the only song he knew.
As soon as he pressed the ‘start’ button, the surroundings darkened and a sorrowful intro flowed out. The moment the song started, it felt like he had chosen the wrong song, but he thought it didn’t matter if he sang badly since he was alone anyway.
Thinking that far, Seo-won gripped the microphone tightly with both hands and opened his mouth.
“Is love supposed to hurt…”
He had just selected a song he often listened to… Now he knew, it was a song depicting the sorrows of unrequited love. He usually focused on work so he didn’t pay attention to the lyrics.
If he sang without much thought, it would just be singing a song, but suddenly his appearance felt pathetic. Because the song lyrics seemed similar to his situation. It felt like he was secretly lamenting.
The bridge of his nose felt a bit stinging, but Seo-won sang persistently. The next song, and the one after that too… They were all stories of painful love.
* * *
“I’m hungry…”
When he came out of the karaoke, the sky had already darkened.
Perhaps because it was dinner time and he had been singing in full swing. As soon as he left the karaoke, he felt hungry. Seo-won rubbed his still empty stomach and looked around.
Like the nearby shops, the food sold nearby was also mostly hearty and spicy dishes. Looking at the rice soup restaurants, knife-cut noodles, and pubs, he didn’t particularly feel like eating. It was because after getting pregnant, he didn’t feel like eating unless it was a specific food.
I just want to go home and eat something simple. Has the young master left…?
Not knowing what to do and hesitating, suddenly a flashy sign caught his eye.
“Trout… sashimi restaurant?”
He liked sashimi originally, but he had never tried trout sashimi before.
But the moment he saw the letters, his mouth suddenly watered. Just like when his mother made him cold noodle soup before, his appetite was instantly stimulated.
He wanted to open the door and go in right away, but he stopped walking as if possessed by a ghost at the thought that crossed his mind for a moment.
Can I eat raw fish while pregnant? He had heard from the hospital that he should avoid stimulating foods, alcohol, cigarettes, and coffee as much as possible, but he didn’t think they said he couldn’t eat raw foods.
But he was worried that if he ate it and something happened, what would he do? It was quite far to go to the hospital in the countryside, and he was concerned that this might affect the baby.
But… it looked so delicious to him right now. After getting pregnant, his appetite had dropped significantly, so it was rare for him to feel this way.
“It should be fine once in a while…”
He thought he had already shown tremendous patience just by quitting coffee, which he drank every day after getting pregnant. Wouldn’t it be okay to reward himself once for enduring until now?
Rationalizing to himself while his throat bobbed, Seo-won finally moved his steps towards the trout sashimi restaurant.
“Welcome!”
As he pushed open the door of the trout sashimi restaurant and entered, the sound of a jingling bell and the bright voice of an employee were heard.
Guided to an empty seat, Seo-won received the menu and looked around. Perhaps because it was almost dinner time or it was a popular restaurant, there were quite a few customers. Most were elderly, and some places were already deeply into drinking.
Seo-won didn’t particularly like alcohol, but he knew that soju went well with sashimi. No matter how much he compromised, that wasn’t possible. He couldn’t harm the baby. Seo-won swallowed the bitterness and returned the menu to the employee.
“Just one serving of trout sashimi, please.”
“Yes, please wait a moment!”
As the employee left and he blankly waited for the menu to come out, suddenly a memory about alcohol came to mind.
Since most of his memories after becoming an adult were with Do-gyeom, the first time he got drunk was also with him.
There were opportunities to drink here and there while attending university, but he didn’t particularly enjoy alcohol itself, so he had never drunk to the point of getting drunk. Usually, drinking gatherings were scheduled late at night, and at that time, he met Do-gyeom in the evening to help relieve pheromones, so he didn’t have time to attend such gatherings.
That day too, he had headed to the hotel to meet Do-gyeom instead of a gathering, but for some reason, Do-gyeom offered wine before sex.
‘I received some wine, do you want to try it?’
Because there were many people who wanted to look good to him, Do-gyeom often received gifts. Since they weren’t particularly interesting to him, he often pushed them onto Seo-won.
Most of the time, he told Seo-won to take them home and eat alone, but that day, for some reason, he spoke in a nuance of eating together.
It wasn’t the first time he drank with him, and cheese and crackers were already prepared on the table as snacks.
It felt awkward to refuse what was already prepared, and above all, the things he recommended to Seo-won were always delicious, as usual. Feeling like it would suit his taste this time too, Seo-won nodded.
Sitting at the table by the full-length window, Do-gyeom poured wine into the prepared glasses. It seemed to be sparkling white wine, with bubbles slowly rising in the golden liquid.
Do-gyeom drank first, so Seo-won sipped along, and the moment he swallowed what was in his mouth, Seo-won unintentionally opened his eyes wide.
‘It’s not bitter at all.’
‘They said it’s a sweet wine.’
Do-gyeom answered but said it was too sweet for his taste. Still, it seemed it wasn’t to the point of being inedible, as he elegantly cut and ate what was on the table while sipping the wine.
Seo-won usually didn’t like alcohol, but it tasted good because he didn’t particularly feel the unique bitterness. Among the beer, soju, and wine he had tried so far, it was by far the most to his liking.
As he was sipping, Do-gyeom, who had barely swallowed the wine as if just wetting his lips, suddenly asked something out of the blue.
‘Is university… manageable?’
‘Ah… yes. Thanks to you looking out for me.’
Seo-won nodded blankly and answered. He didn’t know why he was suddenly asking that, but thanks to Do-gyeom’s consideration, he was able to attend school while working.
Usually, a partner who relieved pheromone buildup had to be together all day except for sleeping, but considering he was a student, they compromised to meet only in the evenings.
And although he entered a relatively inexpensive national university, it still wasn’t easy for Seo-won to handle. So originally, he was planning to work part-time at a convenience store or PC room after entering school, but thanks to Do-gyeom paying him generously, he was able to attend without worrying about money.
This was also something he received for working, but perhaps because it was work overlapping bodies with the person he liked, it wasn’t too mentally taxing. Except for the occasional unfounded expectations.
As Seo-won swallowed the bitterness welling up inside him, Do-gyeom, who heard the answer, asked something else as if he had another ulterior motive.
‘Are you getting along well with that senior who keeps contacting you?’
‘Senior?’
Suddenly, what senior? They didn’t discuss school matters in detail, so he wouldn’t know about classmates or seniors…
He had no idea who he was talking about, but suddenly the memory of that time he had sex with Do-gyeom came to mind.
That day, while continuing their sexual activity, Seo-won’s phone kept vibrating, and Do-gyeom had irritatedly looked at his phone as if it was a disturbance.
It was a message from Yuncheol, a senior in the same department, who had become close as they joined the same club. He always sent messages saying it was a pity Seo-won missed the drinking gatherings and that they should definitely drink together next time… Seo-won had brushed it off as trivial, but it seemed Do-gyeom had been bothered by it all along.
‘Ah… Senior Yuncheol? Yes, but he suddenly said he’s going to study abroad. I don’t think I’ll see him often anymore.’
‘Studying abroad? Good for him. Going overseas will broaden his learning more than just staying in Korea.’
‘Right? I never heard him mention thinking about studying abroad… Unexpected things happen.’
Objectively, it was a good thing, but honestly… Seo-won was a bit disappointed. He thought they were quite close, but he had never heard about studying abroad. Saying he was leaving suddenly overnight.
Moreover, Seo-won had a not very good perception of studying abroad. Although he coincidentally reconnected with the young master, it didn’t seem like that would happen with Senior Yuncheol.
Thinking that way, his mouth felt bitter. Seo-won picked up the glass for no reason and gulped down the remaining wine.