If You Want Me - Episode 17
<Episode 17>
It sounded so unbelievable that I wondered if I had misheard. Feeling my mouth go completely dry, I double-checked with a pathetically shaking voice.
“What… did you just say?”
“I said you’re carrying a baby. In early pregnancy, everyone feels dizzy and nauseous.”
“…”
I blankly blinked at the doctor’s kind explanation.
Recently, I would get dizzy just from moving a little, feel nauseous and like throwing up… Now that I think about it, there were symptoms similar to pregnancy.
However, they were similar to what omegas experience when going through their first heat cycle, so I just thought it was normal for everyone. So I never even imagined that I could be pregnant.
Moreover, with my physique as a low-fertility omega, and having taken the morning-after pill Do-gyeom gave me that day, I didn’t consider that possibility at all.
But for the doctor to say the word pregnancy…
For a moment, my ears felt stuffy as if I had tinnitus, and my eyes blurred so much it was hard to focus. Without realizing it, I chewed on my lower lip, not knowing what to do, when the doctor congratulated me.
“Congratulations. It’s not easy for low-fertility omegas to get pregnant.”
“Are you sure I’m really pregnant? There can’t be a misdiagnosis, right?”
“I understand your surprise. We also retested several times since you’re a low-fertility omega, but the pregnancy is certain.”
“…”
“I’ll need to do more tests to know the exact number of months, but since it’s early in the pregnancy, you need to be careful. You shouldn’t do intense exercise…”
The doctor listed precautions in front of me as I had an unbelieving expression. However, there was no way those words could properly reach my confused ears.
After being diagnosed as a low-fertility omega, I had never once thought I could get pregnant. Because a low-fertility omega getting pregnant was almost a miraculous probability.
I thought there might be a slight risk since we went through a heat cycle, rut, and even knotting together in the US, but I thought it would be fine because I took the morning-after pill…
If life was a train, it felt like I was traveling on the set tracks without much thought when suddenly the rails switched and I derailed.
And… Just the fact that a new life had taken root in my body was a huge shock, but there was one more thing that was even scarier.
It was because I was carrying the child of a man I shouldn’t have.
Do-gyeom extremely did not want pregnancy. He had several reasons for that. He said it could be used as an excuse to take the spot next to him, or that they would try to have a child with a good physique by using his traits…
But more than that, he seemed to feel extreme aversion to someone he didn’t love carrying his child.
But now that I had gotten pregnant, it felt like he would point fingers at me saying I was the same as those despicable omegas.
Of course our relationship would end, and he would surely tell me to get rid of the child. The moment I found out about the child’s existence, the thought that I had to get rid of it made me feel faint.
“Mr. Yoon Seo-won. Seo-won?”
“Ah, yes…!”
I came to my senses at the doctor’s call.
As I looked at the doctor with a pale face, she smiled slightly as if she understood and calmly continued.
“Since you’re a low-fertility omega, you probably never even thought about it. I understand your surprise. But at times like this, you need to steel yourself even more. As you know, even after getting pregnant, it’s not easy for low-fertility omegas to manage.”
“Ah…”
A low-fertility omega getting pregnant could be called a miracle, but even after pregnancy, they required much more meticulous care compared to regular omegas. It was that much easier to lose the baby too.
As I nodded my head with difficulty, the doctor continued explaining.
“Since the alpha’s pheromones have a positive effect on the baby, it’s good for the baby if you spend as much time together as possible. Please spend the maximum amount of time with the baby’s father.”
“…”
Together with the baby’s father…
She emphasized what I needed to do to protect the baby and safely give birth from now on. However, my mind was just filled with confusion about what to do.
At twenty-six, I had run into the worst predicament of my life.
* * *
With a pale blue face, I left the hospital after receiving the pregnancy diagnosis.
What should I do…? Should I tell him? Or do I really need to get rid of it?
All of my experiences from the first to the last were with him. It was clear whose child it was, so the conclusion to get rid of the baby was distinct, but…
I was a low-fertility omega. A low-fertility omega whose chances of conceiving were so low there was a joke that God had to arrange it.
The chances of getting pregnant were already low, but if I got rid of the baby on top of that, the probability of carrying a child next time was practically nonexistent. My head felt like it would explode from the complexity.
“Sigh…”
I sighed and walked, then raised my head at the pungent smell of cigarette smoke piercing my nose. I spotted a smoking booth a bit far away.
Do-gyeom also occasionally smoked cigarettes, so I wasn’t the type to be particularly bothered by the smell. But perhaps it was because I received a pregnancy diagnosis today. For some reason, it felt like I shouldn’t inhale it at all.
I quickened my pace to leave the spot, but I felt unwell. My body wasn’t in good shape even before the diagnosis, but after being told I was pregnant, I felt even more dizzy, nauseous, and tired.
For now… I should go home. I was about to hail a taxi, thinking I should go home, rest, and think it over.
Buzz, buzz.
The phone in my pocket vibrated.
As I took out my phone with no energy, the words “Young Master Seo Do-gyeom” were distinctly displayed on the screen.
“Of all times…”
I muttered softly while looking at the name. He was the person I wanted to face the least right now.
I considered pretending I didn’t know he called and not answering. But if I avoided him, he might barge into my home like last time.
…There’s no helping it. I cleared my throat that had sunk low with gloom and pressed the answer button.
“Yes, this is Yoon Seo-won.”
– Why aren’t you checking your messages?
Do-gyeom got straight to the point without any greetings.
His voice was so cold and dry that no emotions could be felt, but it was so cool that I wanted to engrave it in my ears. I liked his voice so much that I had even secretly recorded it when he gave work instructions over the phone.
But for some reason, just hearing his voice now made me feel like crying. In this moment, he was the one person I wanted to be with more than anyone else, but also the one I absolutely shouldn’t be with, and that drove me to the bottom.
To prevent Do-gyeom from noticing my surging emotions, I suppressed my wavering heart and belatedly replied.
“I was at the hospital for a bit… so I couldn’t check. I’m sorry.”
– Hospital? What did they say there?
Suddenly, Do-gyeom’s voice turned chilly. He had also kept telling me to go to the hospital, so he seemed curious about what I was sick with.
I’m pregnant… with your child, young master.
I considered saying those words but pressed my lips tightly together. He was the one who needed to know before anyone else, but I wasn’t sure if it was right to inform him.
“It was just… a common cold. I think my pheromones got a bit abnormal because of the heat cycle. But do you have something urgent?”
– Ah, it’s not urgent. I think I’ll arrive at the hotel around 11, so go ahead and rest.
When I gave an appropriate excuse, Do-gyeom spoke in a dry tone as if saying “is that all it was”.
Recalling that today’s appointment was originally at 9 PM, I thought for a moment that 11 was my usual bedtime but I would have to stay awake until then.
“…I understand.”
– Then, see you later.
Do-gyeom hung up right away as if he had called just to say this. I slowly lowered the phone from my ear and looked down at the darkened screen.
“…”
Come to think of it, I shouldn’t go to the appointment place in this condition…
The thing I needed to do came to mind, but I squeezed my eyes shut as if avoiding it and let out a sigh.
* * *
[17:43 Yoon Seo-won] I have something to tell you, young master. Please contact me.
[21:24 Young Master Seo Do-gyeom] No time. See you there.
“Sigh…”
I sighed while looking at the reply that came after almost four hours.
It was a message I had sent after spending several hours agonizing at home since returning from the hospital, but the reply from Do-gyeom was extremely dry.
I was afraid to say it face-to-face, so I wanted to do it over the phone… But it wasn’t a conversation to have over text either, so I couldn’t just send a message out of the blue.
In the end, I went ahead to the suite room of the hotel where Do-gyeom and I always had our relations and waited for him. After waiting for what felt like an eternity where ten minutes felt like an hour, it became 11 o’clock.
– Beep.
It was the sound of someone entering the suite room with a keycard. At that sound, I jumped up and approached the door.
Do-gyeom, who opened the door and entered, had a face that looked more irritable and tired than usual, as if he had just finished work. Even though we had been pheromone partners for 6 years, he was still a difficult young master to me, so it was hard to speak first.
As I hesitated, worrying about how to start, Do-gyeom saw me standing there and slightly raised the corners of his mouth.
He had looked irritable, but was that not the case? The subtle difference made me relax a little, and I was about to speak to him right away.
“Uh, young mas- mmph!”
The moment I opened my mouth, Do-gyeom quickly approached, lowered his head, and kissed me.
Surprised by the sudden kiss, I tried to push against his chest, but I was pressed against the wall first.
Fortunately, thanks to Do-gyeom cradling the back of my head with his hand, I didn’t hit my head on the wall, but I felt the hard wall pressing against my back.