If You Want Me - Episode 16
<Episode 16>
“…”
At least one fortunate thing was that it wasn’t a single bed?
From the first time Seo-won entered this house, all the furniture and appliances were brand new, still wrapped in plastic. Perhaps if he hadn’t moved in, they were intending to rent out the place.
However, as Seo-won stayed in this house, the furniture naturally aged as well. This bed was already 6 years old, so it was about time to replace it, but it never broke down, perhaps because it was a good bed. Since the house wasn’t under his name, he never thought about changing the furniture either.
After contemplating a bit, Seo-won reluctantly laid down next to Do-gyeom, thinking nothing would change even if he kept standing there.
Do-gyeom seemed a bit uncomfortable lying in a stiff position, so he turned his body toward Seo-won and said,
“Good night.”
“…Good night to you too, young master.”
Seo-won gave a light reply, turned off the desk lamp that was dimly lighting the room, and closed his eyes.
His home, his bed, his usual bedtime, a dark room – all more comfortable than anywhere else. The perfect environment for sleep was created. However, for some reason, Seo-won couldn’t fall asleep no matter how long he kept his eyes closed.
In the recent days, his body was in such bad condition that he would fall asleep as soon as he laid down, but either because his body had recovered or because Do-gyeom was next to him, he couldn’t fall asleep. Rather, his mind became crystal clear.
It felt like he spent thirty minutes doing nothing but closing his eyes. Thinking he couldn’t fall asleep like this, Seo-won carefully turned his body and looked at Do-gyeom.
“…”
Do-gyeom, perhaps already asleep, was breathing steadily with his eyes gently closed.
The only light was the faint illumination coming through the window, but perhaps because he often saw Do-gyeom’s sleeping face, his appearance was easily visualized.
Whenever he slept with him, if he tossed and turned and woke up at dawn or woke up even earlier, he would steal glances at him like this.
Each time he saw Do-gyeom sleeping, it made him feel good. Since Do-gyeom never had any other partners besides him, he felt a strange sense of satisfaction thinking he was the only one besides his family who knew this side of him.
But for some reason, looking at him today didn’t make him feel good but rather made his heart complicated.
How long could this relationship last?
Their partner relationship was well-maintained over the 6 years, but they experienced a rut and heat cycle a few days ago, and now that Do-gyeom was also older, it was time for him to consider marriage.
Recently, Madam had been trying to arrange match-making sessions for him. Do-gyeom drew a line saying he absolutely hated those things and that he had no plans for marriage yet, but Madam didn’t seem to be giving up. Even putting aside his age, Madam seemed to view Seo-won’s existence as a thorn in her side, so she would try to put someone else by his side no matter what.
If he got married or something like last time happened again, it would really be the end.
Until now, Seo-won thought it was fine being Do-gyeom’s partner. Just being by the side of the person he liked was a blessing. He stayed by his side thinking it was fortunate enough that Do-gyeom wasn’t seeing anyone else.
But now it seemed he could really see the end of that relationship, yet his heart kept being drawn to Do-gyeom. So prickly and self-centered in everything, but taking care of him and sleeping together like today… Each time it made him greedy for no reason.
“Sigh…”
Seo-won let out a small sigh. Ever since presenting, he had been liking Do-gyeom continuously, so it had already been 12 years of one-sided love.
The end was clear and he was also getting older now… Shouldn’t he stop depending on Do-gyeom and find something new to do?
As he was lost in the realistic concerns that always came to him when he was ruminating, suddenly Do-gyeom, who had been quietly lying there, opened his mouth.
“Why aren’t you sleeping.”
“What? Oh, you weren’t asleep?”
“Your stare is so intense, how could I possibly sleep.”
Do-gyeom faced Seo-won not like he had woken up from sleep, but with eyes completely devoid of drowsiness as if he hadn’t fallen asleep in the first place.
He also didn’t sleep at all for thirty minutes and just laid there with his eyes closed and breathing? Even though he said he was tired.
No, more importantly… If he knew Seo-won was watching, why was he pretending to sleep? Seo-won shifted the embarrassment to blaming Do-gyeom for no reason and gave him a short apology.
“…I’m sorry. I won’t look anymore.”
He should turn his body in the complete opposite direction and not fix his gaze on him… As Seo-won was thinking that and trying to turn his body the other way, suddenly his arm was grabbed.
“Who told you to? Lie down facing this way.”
“But you said you couldn’t sleep because of me.”
“I dislike you turning your back to me even more.”
“…”
Face each other but don’t open your eyes? That also seemed a bit… strange.
The young master’s whims were always present, so Seo-won turned his body toward Do-gyeom again and laid down.
Do-gyeom reached out, slightly tidied Seo-won’s hair, and asked,
“Why were you staring and not sleeping.”
“Just, well… I couldn’t… fall asleep.”
He couldn’t fall asleep, and looking at Do-gyeom made him fall into deep thought… But he had no obligation to tell Do-gyeom what he was thinking about.
As Seo-won gave an appropriate excuse, Do-gyeom quietly looked at him after hearing his answer and opened his mouth.
“Want me to help?”
“…What? How?”
How was he going to help with sleep? Was he going to tell Seo-won to count sheep – one sheep, two sheep? Or some personal method he used when he couldn’t fall asleep?
As Seo-won looked at him with slightly curious eyes, Do-gyeom wrapped his arms around Seo-won’s shoulders and back of the head and pulled him into an embrace.
In the blink of an eye, Seo-won found his nose buried in Do-gyeom’s chest, and he reflexively tried to push him away in surprise.
“Huh…? Wh-what are you suddenly doing…”
“Most reasons for insomnia are psychological factors.”
“What…?”
“They say omegas feel a sense of stability from alpha pheromones, so you should be able to fall asleep like this.”
In other words, his words meant that Seo-won should stay in his arms because he could sense the alpha pheromones better while being held.
He seemed to understand what Do-gyeom meant. They said an appropriate level of alpha pheromones helps with an omega’s mental health. It meant he would fall asleep well if his mind was at ease.
“Still, this is a bit…”
“What, are you conscious of me?”
“Who wouldn’t be conscious in this position…”
He understood Do-gyeom’s intention, but being held in his arms made him more tense and his heart more complicated rather than giving him a sense of stability. In this posture, he might not be able to sleep at all and spend the whole night awake.
As Seo-won retorted and tried to push Do-gyeom away once more, Do-gyeom’s arms tightened their hold instead. Like a huge boulder, he didn’t budge at all and spoke as if annoyed.
“It doesn’t mean anything special, so don’t think about anything and close your eyes and sleep.”
“…”
At those words, Seo-won felt the strength suddenly drain from his hands that were pushing against Do-gyeom’s chest.
He felt deflated. That even being this close, even with their bodies overlapping, it didn’t hold any special meaning to Do-gyeom. That he was the only one conscious of it. He had felt it countless times while being by his side, but today it hit him more strongly.
Seo-won thought Do-gyeom was an alpha who acted presumptuously and selfishly, only caring about himself, but on the other hand, he also thought Do-gyeom was unnecessarily kind at times. Like right now.
So whenever he acted this way, Seo-won would get his hopes up while also feeling more heartache. If he treated someone meaningless to him like this, wouldn’t he treat the person he loved even better?
Thinking that way made his heart even more troubled. As Seo-won clung even closer to his chest, the alpha pheromones blanketed him warmly like a quilt.
As if to help him relax, Do-gyeom gently patted Seo-won’s back and spoke to him in a low voice.
“Make sure to go to the hospital tomorrow.”
“…I will.”
Seo-won nodded his head with his eyes closed.
Until just moments ago, he was asking himself the fundamental question of whether it was okay to keep staying by Do-gyeom’s side, but being held by him made him return to square one again.
I guess this is why I can’t let you go.
No matter how many times he told himself not to have expectations, he still hoped. While thinking he was foolish, Seo-won still couldn’t bring himself to let go of Do-gyeom’s sleeve.
* * *
“Is this your first time visiting this hospital?”
“No. I got tested last time and was told to come get the results today.”
“Ah, I see. Then could you please tell me your name?”
“Yoon Seo-won.”
At the counter of the university hospital, Seo-won was doing the registration while talking to the nurse.
When the nurse told him to sit and wait for a moment, Seo-won took off his hat, sat in a chair, and fanned himself.
“Phew… It’s hot.”
In the few days he hadn’t been out, the weather had turned humid. Summer must be approaching soon.
After spending a day with Do-gyeom, the pain he had been groaning with for days miraculously went away as if it had been a lie.
Seo-won thought that since he had been sick after the heat cycle, perhaps he found stability through the alpha’s pheromones. So he didn’t feel the need to go to the hospital and tried to go straight to work, but Do-gyeom told him to go get checked just in case and rest a few more days.
Do-gyeom had said it wasn’t his taste to have a sick partner he couldn’t relieve pheromones with at the appropriate time or to embrace a sick person, so it seemed he was worried in his own way.
So that day Seo-won got all sorts of detailed tests done, and today was the day to receive the test results.
Since his body felt much lighter, he thought it would be nothing and was swinging his legs while waiting, when the nurse who had been in front of the doctor’s office called for Seo-won after a short while.
“Mr. Yoon Seo-won?”
“Yes.”
“Please come into the doctor’s office.”
When it was his turn, Seo-won got up from his seat and entered the doctor’s office.
Carefully opening the door and going inside, there was a female doctor with a gentle expression sitting there.
“Hello…”
“Yes, please sit in that chair.”
When Seo-won awkwardly greeted her, the doctor kindly pointed to the chair on the opposite side.
He sat down awkwardly, but the doctor only looked at the chart without saying anything else. Although he thought there would be nothing wrong with his body, now that he had actually entered the doctor’s office, he tensed up.
It was so quiet that the sound of the second hand ticking was clearly audible. For no reason, he was repeatedly clenching and releasing his interlocked hands resting on his knees when the doctor spoke matter-of-factly as if stating something obvious.
“You’re pregnant.”
“…What?”
The sound of his heart dropping to the floor with a thud was heard.
Pregnant…?