If You Want Me - Episode 118
<Episode 118>
Usually, feet are considered a dirty body part, and personally, they are also sensitive as he is ticklish. Startled, Seo-won wriggled his feet that were caught by Do-gyeom.
“Wha-, what are you doing…!”
“Stay still.”
Do-gyeom firmly grabbed Seo-won’s flinching feet, placed them on one of his knees, and put fluffy baby pink sleeping socks on them. Seo-won wondered why he suddenly touched his feet, but it seemed he did that to put the socks on.
Although the indoor air was warm, his feet had gotten cold, probably because his body was weak. It felt nice that his feet became soft and warm with the socks on… But wasn’t it a bit much to directly put the socks on for him? It’s not like he doesn’t have hands.
Feeling a strange embarrassment, Seo-won wiggled his toes. Although no one was watching, he felt Do-gyeom was overprotecting him.
“Since we’re indoors, I don’t think you need to go this far…”
“If you catch a cold and cough, the suture site will tear. Put them on tightly.”
Seo-won muttered as if protesting, but Do-gyeom was firm.
Even though it was visiting hours, it would only be for a few minutes, so it didn’t seem like he would catch a cold going out for that long. However, if he coughed and the surgical wound tore like Do-gyeom said… Just imagining it sent chills down his spine. It seemed beneficial for his health to listen to Do-gyeom.
As Seo-won silently nodded and stayed still, Do-gyeom firmly put the sleeping socks on Seo-won’s other foot as well. He seemed pleased with putting the socks on Seo-won himself and rubbed Seo-won’s feet a few times.
It was much less ticklish than touching his bare feet, but it was still too embarrassing to stay still.
“It tickles.”
“How do even these socks suit you? It’s absurd…”
Seo-won naturally tried to pull his feet out, but Do-gyeom didn’t budge at all as if his ears were plugged and kept rubbing his feet.
It’s not like they’re baby feet… Although his feet were smaller in size than Do-gyeom’s, they weren’t cute enough to admire and exclaim like that. They’re just feet after all.
Moreover, Seo-won knew Do-gyeom wasn’t the type of person to react like that even when seeing something amazing, so it felt even more ridiculous. Seo-won let out a hollow laugh and looked at him with dumbfounded eyes.
“Goodness, what are you… I’m the one who’s more dumbfounded. Stop this and quickly-“
Knock knock knock.
As Seo-won was urging him to stop messing around and hurry up and go, there was a light knocking sound on the hospital room door.
When Seo-won and Do-gyeom turned their heads, the white sliding door opened with a rattle. A young male nurse pulling a wheelchair entered through the open door.
He slightly widened his eyes as if surprised to see Seo-won and Do-gyeom, then soon bloomed a bright smile on his face.
“Patient Yoon Seo-won, you were going to see the baby, right?”
“Ah… Yes!”
“You’re all ready already. I’ll pull the wheelchair for you.”
Maybe it was because it was originally a kind hospital, or because of Do-gyeom’s presence. It seemed the doctor had asked for a wheelchair while making his rounds earlier.
The consideration was appreciated, but the timing wasn’t welcome. It felt like everyone was seeing Do-gyeom treating him like a child.
His face flushed hot. As Seo-won lowered his head in embarrassment and bit his lower lip, Do-gyeom firmly refused.
“Thank you for the kindness, but I’ll pull it myself.”
“Ah… Then I’ll guide you. Please follow me this way.”
The nurse seemed to not have expected to be rejected, and led the way with an awkward face, saying he’ll at least guide them.
But why… It would be nice to have him pull it. That’s what Seo-won thought, but Do-gyeom grabbed the wheelchair handles and pulled Seo-won.
What’s wrong with letting the nurse handle the wheelchair? It’s not like the nurse would do anything to him… Thinking that, Seo-won let out a small sigh.
It was obvious what the hospital staff would think of him and Do-gyeom, so in a different sense, he wanted to be discharged quickly.
* * *
In front of the neonatal intensive care unit. When they arrived a little earlier than the informed time, a nurse inside the neonatal intensive care unit came out and told Seo-won and Do-gyeom the visitation guidelines.
Do-gyeom already knew the contents because he had seen the baby once, but it was Seo-won’s first time. Most of the precautions were etiquette that obviously had to be followed, but despite the two of them coming together, they said only one person could visit at a time.
Only one person can see the baby. Seo-won was surprised by the guideline he hadn’t thought of, but Do-gyeom seemed indifferent as if he already knew. After listening to all the guidelines, he looked at Seo-won and said,
“Go in and see the baby.”
“You don’t need to see the baby, hyung?”
“I saw the baby last time, so it’s fine. Go see the baby fully and come back.”
“…Thank you.”
Seo-won hesitated for a moment, then nodded. Even though he said that, Do-gyeom would also want to see the baby, so Seo-won felt sorry to see the baby himself, but he wanted to see the baby so much that he didn’t want to yield. He wanted to see the baby with his own eyes as soon as possible.
Seo-won waited while holding Do-gyeom’s hand, then went inside in a wheelchair with the help of a nurse at the scheduled time.
After going inside a little following the guide, he saw the baby lying in an incubator. He could recognize the baby at a glance because he had looked at the photos Do-gyeom took every chance he got.
He wanted to hold the baby in his arms right away and feel the baby’s body temperature, but he remembered the doctor’s warning to not hold the baby because his arms might lose strength and to only look with his eyes before coming back.
With no other choice, Seo-won brought his face close to the incubator and looked at the baby. The baby was peacefully sleeping with closed eyes.
“Tteokbokki.”
“…”
Seo-won called the baby’s nickname in a small voice, but the baby didn’t budge. The baby seemed to not have heard his voice, fallen into a sweet sleep.
It was natural for a baby to sleep a lot, and it was good for a baby to sleep well too. If a baby didn’t sleep much, that would be a problem in itself. And even though he knew the baby’s condition was different from others, it was only a few minutes ago that he had rejoiced, saying it was a blessing just for the baby to be born.
But now that he actually saw the baby sleeping, smaller than other babies, he felt sorrowful as if he had never thought positively. He started to blame himself, thinking it was his fault that the baby was born smaller and suffering more than other babies.
Thinking that way, his emotions suddenly surged like a wave. He had no intention of crying in front of the baby, but before he could even think of holding back, tears fell with a thud.
“Sob… I’m sorry…”
Through his tear-blurred vision, the past days unfolded like a panorama. After getting pregnant, running away here and there was his own struggle to protect the baby, but it was also true that his body suffered because of that.
Even though most of the results at the ob-gyn came out well, he couldn’t go to the hospital regularly like other omegas, and not only did he suffer mentally, but he also lost weight while running around everywhere despite being pregnant.
If he had done it properly back then, wouldn’t the baby have been born healthy after staying the full term? Even though it was a miracle for a heated omega to get pregnant and give birth, he felt such regret that he became sadder than ever.
He wasn’t crying loudly or sobbing like a tragic protagonist. He was quietly crying in secret, but if he kept looking at the baby like this, he felt he wouldn’t be able to control his emotions.
He didn’t want to make the surroundings chaotic, so Seo-won left the neonatal intensive care unit with reluctant steps.
As he came out sobbing, he saw Do-gyeom sitting on a chair in the waiting room outside the treatment room. He was waiting while looking at his phone, but as soon as he noticed Seo-won coming out, he jumped up from his seat and approached in one stride.
“Why did you come out so soon? Go see the baby more.”
“Ah, no… I saw everything.”
“…Did you cry?”
Sitting in the wheelchair, their gazes didn’t meet. So he thought if he lowered his head deeply, he might not get caught that he cried. But that was neglecting Do-gyeom too much. As if he could tell what state Seo-won was in just by his voice and atmosphere, he immediately noticed that Seo-won had cried.
Do-gyeom looked a little flustered, then immediately bent his waist and hugged Seo-won, who was sitting in the wheelchair, tightly.
Seo-won suddenly ended up in his arms, but his heart melted in the familiar and warm embrace. He thought he would stop crying by the time he left the neonatal intensive care unit, but being held in Do-gyeom’s arms, his emotions surged again.
“Sob… Hic…”
In the end, Seo-won couldn’t control his overflowing emotions and burst into tears. Tears flowed thicker and faster than when he cried in the neonatal intensive care unit.
As Seo-won sobbed as if he would wail, Do-gyeom gently stroked Seo-won’s back with his palm and comforted him.
“Why? What’s making you so sad?”
“Sob… The baby… Being born sick… Hic, is because of me.”
“No, how is that your fault?”
“Because I… Didn’t take care… Sob, properly…”
“The baby just wanted to see the world quickly and acted up, don’t think you did anything wrong.”
Do-gyeom tried hard to comfort him, but it wasn’t enough to completely relieve the guilt.
As Seo-won showed no sign of his mood improving, Do-gyeom let out a small fake cough and spoke in a slightly embarrassed voice.
“For me, you regaining consciousness and getting to see the baby we only thought we would lose after the surgery are both miracles. So… Don’t cry.”
Clumsy at comforting someone, Do-gyeom spoke seriously while feeling awkward about soothing him.
Until just now, Seo-won felt like he was so immersed in his emotions that he wouldn’t hear anything Do-gyeom said. But contrary to that thought, at Do-gyeom’s comfort, his emotions that had been only sad gradually subsided.
Usually, Seo-won wasn’t the type to receive comfort just because someone else’s condition was worse than his. Because the one in pain always prioritizes oneself over others. But Do-gyeom’s words touched him differently.
That day when Seo-won collapsed and Do-gyeom heard from the doctor that he might lose even the baby. He couldn’t dare fathom how much of a huge sense of loss Do-gyeom must have felt. Seo-won was this sad just because the baby was born weaker than others, but Do-gyeom had faced a situation where he might lose two precious lives in an instant.