I Start with a Bad Hand! - Chapter 202

“…So you were here.”

I was just about to take a step towards someone I could no longer let live as they had been when I heard a voice.

“What is it?”

Before I could fully climb the stairs, I was faced with Elius. I was somewhat glad to see him, but he seemed to be heading somewhere urgently. He should have been waiting in the lab Roxanne mentioned. I hurriedly grabbed Elius’ arm.

“Wait, I need to talk to you….”

“Move. I don’t have time to listen to your nonsense.”

With those words, I became certain that what Roxanne had said was true, about the tracking magic on the earrings.

‘So he’s confirmed it and is now going to catch her?’

At that moment, I couldn’t hide my twisted thoughts. I grabbed Elius’ arm again, this time more firmly, and spoke slowly and clearly, trying to delay him as much as possible.

“It’s already too late. She’s gone by now.”

“…What? How do you know that,”

“She left to achieve what she wanted. There’s nothing you can do to stop her now, Your Highness.”

“‘Her’*?”

Looking at Elius’ incredulous face, I replied mockingly.

“No matter the difference in status, isn’t this the academy? You can’t interfere with how I address her, Your Highness.”

“I’ve never liked you from the beginning.”

And suddenly, he began confessing, saying things so obvious that only a fool wouldn’t have known. I stared back at him defiantly.

“I was aware.”

Then, with a face that didn’t move a muscle, he started pressing his finger hard into my shoulder, as if he couldn’t even see how precariously I was swaying. His voice, laden with anger, matched the force he was applying.

“…She’s always been too soft. Being presumptuous, holding feelings for someone like you who doesn’t know their place….”

But at some point, his finger-poking slowed down.

“Always like that….”

When I impatiently knocked away Elius’ hand that was pushing my shoulder with one finger, his face crumpled. I had no intention of listening to him or putting up with his jabs anymore. We both raised our voices, starting to argue fiercely.

“No matter if Roxanne is a member of the Ducal House,”

“How dare you, an imperial prince, for someone like you,”

Our half-shouting conversation came to an abrupt stop then.

“Hey?”

“What?”

I was the first to realize that we were thinking of different “person.”

“…Not anymore. So I guess it’s okay if I call you ‘hey’* now, right?”

I quickly redirected my words, which had originally been about Roxanne, and made them sound plausible. Now, it was Elius who was grabbing my arm, not the other way around.

“That’s what I find disgusting about you.”

How could someone have such strength? My hand was already turning white from Elius’ grip, despite only a few seconds having passed.

“I’ve known for a long time that you were intentionally getting close to Icarus.”

His cold voice was dripping with anger.

“At first, I thought that lonely kid had found a toy to play with, but guess what. He got too attached to that cheap toy. But….”

He yanked my arm back and forth, causing me to lose my balance. He looked down at me with lifeless eyes as I stumbled.

“I thought that someone as broken as you couldn’t possibly hurt him. Someone who doesn’t match him in status, in personality, in anything. How dare you.”

“Let go of me and talk.”

“I can do anything for his happiness.”

“…What?”

“If he wants it, I can give up the throne. But why, why would he choose someone like you….”

I knew the two of them weren’t on bad terms, but I had no idea Elius cared so deeply for Icarus. His tone and eyes were filled with something entirely different from the way he looked at Roxanne. But despite that, I couldn’t fully believe Elius’ words.

Give up the throne if he wants it?

“After taking everything from him… what are you even talking about?”

“…What?”

“You left him to wander foreign lands alone at such a young age. Sent him to that remote territory without proper attendants.”

Only then did his grip loosen.

“No, back then, I was young too.”

“You know he’s heading to the northern territory right after graduating from this academy, don’t you?”

“That’s… due to the palace’s internal strife, he,”

“No, did you see the scars on his back? Do you know he sometimes misses classes because of expeditions even during the semester?”

What could you possibly give up? You haven’t given up anything until now. Benefiting from favoritism, you’ve acquired all the love and opportunities you desired. I couldn’t understand Elius’ claims at all.

And that’s why I was angry. Because Icarus, who never said he hated his brother, never resented his family, never said the empire was burdensome, wouldn’t get angry at these people. Because I feared he would live a life that never suited him, always craving love and struggling with seasonal changes, just like he always had. From a very young age, he had resigned himself to never getting what he wanted, and I didn’t want him to lose anything else.

“When you were younger, you might not have been able to do anything, but now it’s different.”

“…”

“You could at least say something to the royal family, like ‘Don’t send him on expeditions during the school term,’ or ‘Don’t send him to that harsh land right after graduation.’ You’re not a child anymore; you’re the Crown Prince now.”

At that moment, I let my body, which had been tense to avoid being swayed by him, relax slightly.

“In truth, you still don’t care about your brother’s happiness, do you?”

“What?”

“If you did, you wouldn’t treat someone he cares about so harshly. But you always have, haven’t you? Ever since you knew Icarus had an interest in me.”

Now I was the one grabbing his collar. Elius, with a confused look in his eyes and still holding one of my arms, was weakly following my lead. I whispered to him.

“Anyway, if that’s what you believe is his happiness, let go of my arm. Push me down the stairs like you did back then.”

“Are you saying—”

“You’ve done a great job so far. You took away his good childhood, his family’s attention and love, so you might as well break me too. Go ahead and let go.”

His bloodshot eyes glared at me as if they could take my breath away, but his trembling hand couldn’t release my arm.

“You think, damn it. You!”

“Go ahead and let go. If you want to be resented by him forever.”

“Stop it, right now,”

“Let go!”

In the end, Elius didn’t let go. It was clear he hated me enough to want to kill me, but he cared enough for Icarus not to push me down the stairs. I felt a wave of relief wash over me, confirming his care for Icarus.

“I told you not to use force on her.”

But another sense of reassurance came from the familiar scent of someone who gently supported my back. He was panting heavily, probably from running all the way here, and I could feel his chest rising and falling against my back.

Icarus roughly pulled Elius’ hand off my arm and turned to shield me with his body on the narrow landing.

“Why do you treat her like this? Why are you so harsh to her?”

“…Icarus. Calm down and listen to me.”

Icarus glared at the rarely flustered Elius, his sharp breaths rustling my hair. Despite Elius’ words telling him not to get excited, Icarus was calm and composed.

“I’m not hurt. I just thought maybe you were going on that harsh expedition because of the Baroness’ daughter,”

“That still doesn’t give you the right to take it out on Dietrich.”

But his voice, trying to suppress his anger, and the arm encircling me were trembling. So… I gently patted his back.

“Icarus.”

“Enough. How many times are you going to try to hurt her?”

“Icarus!”

Finally, he looked at me. It felt like ages since he had. I had spent the whole summer with Icarus in Sereti.

“I’m fine. I’m not hurt.”

“But your arm….”

At that, I turned back and glared briefly at Elius before speaking.

“He just grabbed me for a moment. I’m fine.”

Really. You know I’m honest. Finally, his tense face relaxed a little, and he forced a smile while mumbling,

“I know you’re a liar.”

Ignoring his accurate assessment of me, I scrutinized his face. He seemed a bit thinner. As I stroked his back, he, despite standing a step below me, leaned against my shoulder, crumpling slightly.

“You know.”

“…Yeah.”

I removed my hand from his back. I had done it out of urgency, but now it felt a bit embarrassing.

As soon as I pulled my hand away, Icarus’ gaze followed the movement of my hand, but I ignored it and placed my hand on his shoulder, carefully examining him. There was a new scratch on his face. I gently touched it and asked,

“So what’s this about you going to a harsh land?”

This was news to me.

His face, now colored with confusion, revealed an unexpected ending and a story that would determine my future.

*It seems Dietrich now using informal tone to speak with Elius