I Start with a Bad Hand! - Chapter 201

“Just a moment.”

As I was about to turn the doorknob to enter the laboratory, Roxanne grabbed my hand. It was small and soft.

“This might be the last time we can talk… Could you spare a moment for me?”

I glanced at Roxanne’s attire. She looked like she was about to leave at any moment, with a small, simple travel bag and a long cloak that could cover her face.

‘It’s actually true…’

Roxanne probably felt more urgent than I did at this moment. There must be a reason she was holding onto me like this, so I nodded.

For some reason, Roxanne, who seemed to know every nook and cranny of this academic building, led me to a small space under the landing of the stairs. Sitting in that cramped space, the coldness of the marble floor and the musty smell unique to the shadows crept up.

“Thank you. For helping me open a vault without the Duke’s family knowing…”

Her sudden words were surprisingly practical. When Roxanne returned the stolen documents to me, we hardly agreed on anything. The topic Roxanne brought up was no exception. The first thing Roxanne said was that now that she knew the truth, she would immediately leave the Ducal house herself, while the first thing I said was to dissuade her from that thought.

‘Of course, I needed to lure Hayden a bit, and it would be good if Roxanne, who was more familiar with the Duke’s household, could find out this and that…’

But honestly, the biggest reason was Roxanne herself. No matter how much I thought about it, the probability that Roxanne, who had been pampered all her life as a noble lady, could survive safely in this harsh world without any support seemed too low.

“Find another vault. If it’s difficult for you to look into it yourself… I know someone who runs a bank abroad,”

“The Director?”

“…Yes, the Director.”

Roxanne stubbornly refused, but I persistently persuaded her. I told her to store at least her jewelry or accessories if she felt burdened to deposit money directly because she never knew what might happen in the future.

“I don’t want you to beg the Ducal house or the Crown Prince if things get really tough for you later. You said you can’t look at him the same way anymore.”

It was only after I spoke rather coldly and firmly that Roxanne, with her cheeks flushed, reluctantly nodded. Slowly, the cash and jewelry Roxanne had were transferred to Lucero’s vault, and it was only last week that it was somewhat completed.

‘Well, it’s fine… The Duke’s money isn’t mine anyway…’

Actually, it wasn’t something I needed to worry about, but still, I did. It was Roxanne who had helped me successfully wrap up all the issues I aimed to resolve, and more than anything, I didn’t want her soul to shatter like Dietrich’s. That would be too cruel.

‘What if Roxanne’s soul shatters and the same thing happens as it did with Dietrich? Then an innocent reader could get dragged into this crazy world like me.’

One person’s life getting harder because of sympathy was enough.

“Here, I thought you’d be curious.”

Just as my emotions were getting stirred by my own unique bond, which readers outside this world wouldn’t know about, Roxanne handed me an envelope.

“He hasn’t said a word, so there’s not much the Ducal House could find out about that matter. But… they said they’ll make him talk somehow.”

“Really?”

Despite the omitted subject, it wasn’t hard to understand who she was talking about. Despite her modest words, the document Roxanne handed me was quite thick. It contained an investigation into the last conscious member of the viscount family, except for the descendant of the old Lord Ferris who collapsed from the shock of everything being revealed.

Inside, it detailed how Lord Ferris secured funds from Sereti and how he falsified Hayden’s identity to get him into this academy.

‘Of course, his name isn’t even Hayden. His real name is… Lord Adam Ferris.’

A classical name. I sneered as I read the part about his real age. Not in his early twenties. He’s in his mid-twenties. Disgusting human. As I suppressed my urge to kill Hayden while skimming through the document, Roxanne spoke again.

“But regarding your and my… no, your and my father’s, no, the Duke’s issue, it seems Lord Ferris doesn’t know how he’s involved in that. He was quite young back then too.”

“Well… I didn’t expect to uncover the entire truth.”

“But I have a comparison too. Like how we uncovered your and the Duchess’s matters. Of course, the problem is that I don’t have enough sacrifices to reverse that much time…. So, it might be difficult to uncover the incident from back then within the Empire.”

“Yeah, that’s… wait. ‘Within the Empire’?”

Only then did I understand her stubbornness despite my persuasion, when she said she had a place to go after leaving here.

“Yes. They say the Kingdom of Sosere knows how to materialize memories.”

Her clear, water-like eyes sparkled even in the dim staircase.

“And… I have memories with someone who’s been with me since I was twelve, just enough for the historian to do the work of looking back at those events.”

I inadvertently thought of him. Roxanne’s fiancé. Elius, who is probably still waiting for Roxanne beyond that academy lab. When Roxanne met my eyes, her face showed a sense of relief I had never seen before.

“I’m thinking of materializing my memories with him. Offering seven years’ worth of memories as the price to uncover what happened back then.”

“Why?”

“Sorry?”

“I appreciate it, but… why go to such lengths…?”

What on earth happened between them? The two who couldn’t live without each other, or rather, Roxanne who loved Elius so dearly, how could she sort out her feelings for him overnight? I couldn’t understand.

“Once you know, you can’t live as you did before.”

Roxanne’s gaze seemed to be directed beyond the stairs, toward some lab that couldn’t be seen from here.

“Once you know, you can’t feel the same as before.”

“But that doesn’t mean you have to leave secretly… does it?”

“His Highness the Crown Prince wouldn’t allow it. More than anything, he wouldn’t like me leaving his domain without his permission.”

Roxanne laughed, lightly touching the water-colored earrings that resembled his eyes. “With these, he can know where I am no matter where I go? He thinks I haven’t noticed.” And with that one remark, I found myself thoroughly fed up with her fiancé.

“So I asked you. If you could buy me some time. At least until I reach the Kingdom of Sosere….”

The magic in these earrings is local, so it can’t be traced outside the empire. Despite feeling sorry for her smiling face, I couldn’t help but think a bit selfishly.

“What if you fall in love with him again even after losing your memories?”

Wouldn’t that just add a twist to their love story? While hoping this girl in front of me wouldn’t be unhappy, I also didn’t want to feel completely relieved. Even though I had no right to feel that way. Surprisingly, Roxanne laughed heartily and answered.

“…Haha. Dietrich, I knew you’d say that. Yes, I have many good memories with him. But….”

Roxanne carefully chose her words.

“But a single fleeting emotion overcame all those memories.”

Her expression was bitter, but her voice was firm. As if she had made up her mind a long time ago.

“That’s why, with that emotion still in my heart… I’m sure I won’t fall for him again. I can be certain of that.”

However, her resolute voice gradually faded, becoming as vague as it had been before.

“So, um, Dietrich…. If I find out everything that happened back then….”

“….”

“When that happens… can I write you a letter?”

I wasn’t sure if I would actually be able to read that letter, but I nodded anyway.

“…Sure. Send it to Baron Degoph of Heylem.”

Only then did Roxanne’s perpetually tense expression relax a bit, as if she felt relieved.

“Then, I’ll be off now, Dietrich.”

Maybe it was because I had been sitting on the cold floor for too long, but as I got up, my bottom was quite numb. Roxanne hesitated as if to hug me, but in the end, she couldn’t. It wasn’t as if I could open my arms to embrace her first, either. The air around us felt like it was pushing our backs in opposite directions.

“…I’m sorry.”

But as she awkwardly began to walk away, Roxanne whispered to me.

“I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to you. I’m really sorry.”

However, again, I wished Dietrich could hear those words. Words that meant nothing to me but might have been what she longed to hear at least once.

I wanted to tell her, ‘It’s okay. It’s not your fault,’ but I couldn’t. As always with matters concerning Dietrich, I couldn’t accept an apology or grant forgiveness on her behalf. All I could do was say,

“Take care.”

At least I could say that to the departing girl. Just as I was about to turn and meet the remaining protagonist of this novel,

“You know….”

“…Yeah?”

“My name is Danae.”

I just wanted to let you know. Her voice was so small and fragile, like a whisper in the breeze. My name is Danae. Somehow, I felt weak and wanted to collapse right there. Danae. The name I thought suited her more than “Roxanne” from the moment I first saw her at the academy, at that ball.

“It’s not such a great name, but… it’s my real name.”

If the protagonist of the novel that brought me to this world wasn’t named Danae, I might not have read it to the end. From the very beginning, before I entered this world and after, I had always liked Danae quite a lot.

“Yeah. Danae.”

We didn’t shed hot tears of farewell, nor did we hug or even shake hands, but with our eyes, we wished each other a bit of luck.

“Live well.”