I Became a Villainous Character with a Limited Lifespan - Episode 119

Episode 119

“You…”

“I know I don’t know that person very well either. But that’s why I can’t give up even more.”

“……”

Jaeseong, who was about to launch into a long lecture again, sighed after seeing Jae-young’s face. This wasn’t something that could be solved with words.

Even a moth flying to find its place to die wouldn’t have such a determined face. Why did he always choose difficult loves?

“Forget it. Forget it. Talking more will only make my mouth hurt.”

Jaeseong, who realized a little late but clearly that persuasion wouldn’t work, clicked his tongue and got up. Yeah, however it turned out, it was a problem Jae-young had to solve himself, not something he should meddle in.

“Do as you please. But don’t think it will be resolved. I clearly warned you.”

“…Thanks for your concern.”

“You’re only grateful in words. Anyway, you’re going to do everything your way.”

Jaeseong patted Jae-young’s shoulder without lingering and left. He felt like he had raised his youngest brother too indulgently.

He’ll only know after getting hurt once. It was out of his hands now. Jaeseong bid a light farewell and left the house. 

It would be difficult to get more help, but he had no intention of giving up like this. It would be a bit complicated and bothersome path, but he had to somehow gather information.

‘If he’s really sick, I don’t want to leave him alone.’

He wanted to hear that it was just his misunderstanding, but even if it wasn’t, even if he faced the worst case scenario he could imagine, he wouldn’t run away.

It seemed he liked Seung-hyun much more than he thought. Even if it was a cliff with an obvious end, he wanted to check for himself.

Otherwise, he would surely regret it later. Jae-young turned on his cell phone and looked through the countless call records that didn’t go through.

He had been staring at the familiar phone number from which only the answer that it was connecting to voicemail because the power was off came back, and at some point, he became afraid to press the call button. After hesitating for a moment, Jae-young pressed the call button for the first time in a long time.

“…!”

He made the call thinking the mechanical voice would naturally come back, but when the call connected, Jae-young rather dropped his phone in surprise. The phone that fell to the floor continued to make the call connection sound, regardless.

“……”

And at the same time, there was someone quietly staring at the cell phone screen with a small vibration.

Turning on the phone was just an impulsive action. Even though he thought there would be no contact, he knew why he kept checking, but he was fiddling with his phone, pretending not to know.

If it was simply to pass the time, he could have solved it with a laptop or the books piled up on the nightstand next to the bed, but Seung-hyun, who had been looking at the world through the small screen that fit in his palm, soon threw the phone by his pillow, tired of that too.

It was because the letters wouldn’t properly enter his head, making him feel stuffy instead. Perhaps because his body had gotten worse, he was lying on the bed, wasting time with a body that often became dazed and tired.

He wasn’t sleepy, but because his body was tired, time passed quickly just lying absentmindedly. What pulled Seung-hyun, who had been slowly sinking into unconsciousness like that, back to reality was an unexpected vibration sound.

Until then, he had thought it wasn’t a big deal. Until he saw the familiar number and the saved name on the screen.

Was he dreaming? Was it because he couldn’t completely let go of his lingering feelings, so he was having this dream? But it was too heavy for a dream, and the air and his body were telling him that this moment was reality.

The desire to answer and the realistic problem of what to say if he answered confused Seung-hyun’s mind. He wanted to hear the voice, but he didn’t want to let his own voice be heard.

“……”

Seung-hyun just froze and stared down at the phone screen. While blankly staring at the screen, not knowing time was passing, the unanswered call went to voicemail.

However, it didn’t take long for the call to come again. As soon as the screen returned to voicemail, Seung-hyun turned the phone to silent and put it back in the drawer, frightened by the call that came again.

How could he approach like this? It was both joyful and sad that Jae-young approached him without giving up, as if he had never been hurt.

It would have been better if he had been someone he couldn’t have, if it had been a one-sided feeling. He would have thought it was a person he couldn’t have anyway, a feeling that couldn’t be fulfilled, and would have buried it.

‘If Ju Jae-young gave up on me, it would be sad but not miserable.’

The fact that he couldn’t hold on to what had come into his hands, the fact that he couldn’t have what should have been his, was miserable. 

If he couldn’t have it, it would have been better if it hadn’t come into his hands in the first place. No, before that, he shouldn’t have left that feeling to grow this big.

‘It would have been better not to meet.’

He clearly liked him, it wasn’t even a mismatched feeling, but that feeling hurt so much. Love that was only sweet and happy was clearly a path that would have been happy for everyone if left as just a fantasy.

“……”

A teardrop flowed down his cheek. He thought he had become numb to some extent, but it seemed he wasn’t. The moment the single teardrop that flowed down fell to the floor, the sadness that had been waiting rushed in and engulfed Seung-hyun.

“Hic.”

He tried hard not to make a sound, but it didn’t go as he wanted. He thought he had become used to not crying at most things, but he had just been suppressing it.

Rather than knowing this feeling, rather than knowing his lingering attachment to life and being tormented while imagining a happy future, it would have been better to die on the spot.

Was the phone in the drawer still ringing? What would he talk about if he answered the phone? Jae-young was a kind person, so he would first want to know what happened.

Since such a thing happened in the middle of the hospital, rumors about him would have spread quickly, and there was no way those rumors wouldn’t have reached Jae-young’s ears. If he answered, wouldn’t he first ask if he was okay?

If he reluctantly shared his story, he would be more heartbroken than himself. He kept imagining what he would say and what expression he would make.

As that imagination became more concrete, the kinder Jae-young in his imagination was, the more his crying grew louder. He tried to muffle it by pulling the blanket over his head, but it didn’t go as he wanted.

And as the sadness grew, Seung-hyun began to resent something absurd. The thought that it would have been better if he hadn’t known happiness spread to resentment toward the person who had shown him happiness.

In one corner of his mind, he knew it was just venting anger, but if he could think rationally, he wouldn’t have started thinking like this in the first place.

Why did he make him fall in love? If Jae-young hadn’t been there, if he hadn’t known his kindness, he wouldn’t have been this miserable.

If he hadn’t known, he wouldn’t have missed him this much.

His mind, which had become such a mess that he couldn’t even judge the natural order of whether love or resentment came first, poured out complaints as soon as it found a target to resent.

But no matter how much he resented, all that remained was longing. Was the phone in the drawer still ringing? He was curious, but he didn’t have the courage to open it. It had been a long time since he couldn’t tell what he wanted or what the best choice was.

In the end, Seung-hyun chose to curl up without reaching his hand out of the bed. He felt like he might not be able to open that drawer for quite a long time.

At some point, without even realizing that he couldn’t stop the sobbing sound, Seung-hyun fell asleep as if collapsing after crying for a long time. After the sobbing sound subsided like that and no movement was felt inside for quite a long time, the door quietly opened.

The reddened eyes and the traces of tears left on his cheeks, the gasping breathing sound was regular, but it was impossible to be sure whether he had collapsed or fallen asleep.

Seok-hyung, who had properly covered him with the blanket and lightly checked if Seung-hyun’s condition was okay, stared at his sleeping face for a long time. He thought he would never see the day these eyes would turn red, but in just a few months, he got to see various expressions on this face.

“……”

The face he had avoided because he didn’t want to admit it, but the face he could no longer run away from was reflected under the bright light.

‘He’s a weakened person. He looks more miserable now than when he was given the terminal diagnosis.’

Would it have been a slightly different impression if he had shown this reaction on the day he was given the terminal diagnosis? Although he had collapsed, his reaction was rather calm after waking up, so his current appearance was even more unfamiliar.

An excessively unfamiliar face, an unfamiliar person. Seok-hyung watched that sight a little longer, then turned off the light and closed the door. The conviction that he could no longer run away from the reality he had wanted to deny made his steps light.

Memes From Aida