I Became a Villainous Character with a Limited Lifespan - Episode 103
Episode 103
The eyes that were always curved mischievously had an unfamiliar shape. Jae-young’s eyes, longing for a clear answer, were in contrast with his own that couldn’t meet his gaze like a guilty person.
“I said I don’t like you, is the reason that important?”
Seung-hyun didn’t like those eyes of Jae-young. He might have felt an inferiority complex at Jae-young’s eyes that desperately longed for something, his eyes that he couldn’t have.
It wasn’t that Seung-hyun didn’t wish for the same future as Jae-young. If he could, he also wanted to tell Jae-young that Seok-hyung’s actions had nothing to do with his intentions and to believe in him.
He wanted to spend leisurely time with someone who believed in him regardless of what others said. He wanted to express his love, albeit a bit embarrassingly, and be happy at the other person’s words.
‘Not knowing why I can’t say anything.’
If he didn’t like him, if his selfishness to feel comfortable was greater than his feelings of love, he would have bet everything on his current happiness regardless of what happened in the future.
He wasn’t saying anything because he wanted to reduce the pain Jae-young would receive even a little, with the thought of making him suffer for a shorter time.
“…You don’t think I didn’t know that, do you? Don’t you think there’s a reason why I told you not to say it?”
“You want me to keep my mouth shut without even telling me the reason? Jae-young and I…”
“You want to date, right? That’s why I’ve been hanging out with you, haven’t I?”
He knew from the beginning that if he spoke sweet sincerity, the relationship would crumble. But the moment of collapse was more painful and miserable than he thought.
“Didn’t I tell you everything? That I just needed a light relationship. Yes, honestly, being with you was more fun than I thought.”
To the point of getting soaked without knowing moderation, the time spent with Jae-young was enjoyable and happy. Seung-hyun tried not to recall that time and continued speaking.
“But now I’m sick of it. Both you and I have enjoyed it enough, so it’s time to end it.”
“I thought Han Seung-hyun also had the same feelings as me, even though I didn’t hear it directly. No, I’m still convinced of that.”
“It’s a misunderstanding.”
“If you’re going to lie, do it with more sincerity.”
Jae-young grabbed Seung-hyun’s chin and fixed his gaze on him. Jae-young scoffed, looking at the eyes that couldn’t meet his gaze and were trembling terribly at the same time.
“Saying it’s a misunderstanding while telling such an obvious lie.”
“……”
Seung-hyun pressed his lips tightly. He was determined to pretend not to know until the end, even if it was obvious that he was lying. No matter how convinced Jae-young was, if Seung-hyun didn’t say it out loud, they would just go around in circles.
“Since I’ve said everything I wanted to say, there’s really nothing left to talk about. Unfortunately, it would be better for you to find someone else to accept your feelings. I hope next time, you meet a more decent, normal person in a proper place.”
“No. I…”
“How many times do I have to say I don’t like it for you to understand?”
So he could just turn around and leave, but it was frustrating that Jae-young kept holding onto him. The more he held onto him, the more Seung-hyun wanted to throw away the resolution he had barely made.
Not knowing with what kind of feelings Seung-hyun was keeping his mouth shut, and if Jae-young would just forget him as time passed, why couldn’t he do that easy thing and torment Seung-hyun like this when his heart was already complicated?
Seung-hyun didn’t even know who he was angry at properly and shook off Jae-young’s hand. His voice, which had risen higher than a moment ago, resounded in the quiet house.
“From the first time we met until now, there was nothing I did because I wanted to. I just followed what you wanted to do because I was too lazy to refuse.”
It was clear that Jae-young was the one who led the actions, but Seung-hyun was also deeply immersed in their relationship. However, Seung-hyun lied as if he had reluctantly participated in Jae-young’s actions.
“It was fun to some extent… but if I had known you would cling to me to this annoying degree, I wouldn’t have started it in the first place.”
“Do you regret it?”
“…What did you say?”
“I asked if you regret meeting me.”
He could feel the strength in Jae-young’s clenched fist. Jae-young’s gaze on Seung-hyun seemed somewhat desperate.
Unlike the numerous lies he had heard so far, the words that he wouldn’t have started it in the first place felt sincere.
‘There’s no way.’
Although he hadn’t known Seung-hyun for a long time, he was confident that he knew a lot about him.
That was also the reason he was doing something he usually despised, clinging to someone who said they didn’t like him. It wasn’t just because he couldn’t easily let go of Seung-hyun, but how could he end it like this when it was obvious that Seung-hyun was pushing him away with lies?
He thought so, but he felt sincerity in the words he heard a moment ago. Weariness, irritation, contempt, and regret.
He felt emotions that he thought couldn’t exist in their relationship at the same time.
“……”
Seung-hyun pondered his own words for a moment. Did he regret meeting Jae-young?
‘…Maybe I do.’
The moment he faced Jae-young in his right mind for the first time, he definitely regretted his reckless actions. However, as the time spent together increased, regret melted away as if it had never existed, and now the fact that he had felt such an emotion was faint.
The time spent with Jae-young was definitely nothing but happiness. Ironically, that’s why he thought it would have been better if they hadn’t met.
For a reason he never imagined, Seung-hyun came to regret that day again.
“Yes. I regret it. Both going to that place that day and thoughtlessly accepting your actions.”
“……”
“If I could go back to that time, I wouldn’t be so indecisive and get dragged around. We should have never gotten involved with each other from the beginning.”
Then there would have been no happy memories, but there would have been no pain like now either.
‘When did I ever live exchanging great emotions with people, when did I ever have a friend to open up to that I was greedy for that?’
With the thought that it might be nice to have at least one decent friend, he didn’t refuse Jae-young approaching him. But the problem was that it didn’t end as just a decent friendship.
The more precious something is, the greater the desire not to lose it. The more enjoyable and happy the time spent with Jae-young was, the fact that there wasn’t much time left heavily weighed on a corner of his heart.
If he hadn’t known Jae-young, if he hadn’t become precious to him, if he had only built a friendship where they met occasionally and had meaningless conversations.
So if Jae-young could have shed a tear or two after Seung-hyun left but completely forgotten him and returned to his daily life within a week, Seung-hyun wouldn’t have had any reason to feel uncomfortable either.
But the two had become special to each other. When feelings are the same, they usually have a happy ending, but there are exceptions to every situation.
‘At first, I thought it was rather nice to have become Han Seung-hyun. I was dead anyway, and even if I had lived, it was better to die than to burden my family with that enormous hospital bill. So I thought I would just enjoy the given bonus time and that would be the end when I left.’
Maybe it would have been a better path to just die right there without knowing anything. In a state where there was nothing precious, living each day to the fullest without the leisure to imagine the future, but at least there were no lingering feelings.
“If I hadn’t met you, there wouldn’t be a situation like now.”
“……”
“I wouldn’t have felt so stupid, and I wouldn’t have had to regret the past.”
I wouldn’t have known how painful it is to imagine a happy future, and I wouldn’t have known that not everything can be solved with just love.
“That’s right. It would have been better if we had never met from the beginning.”
Seung-hyun said that with a small laugh. To be able to bear less pain, he had to erase all the happy memories. It was a truly ironic situation.
“We… it would have been much better if we had never met. For both me and you…”
“…You’re right.”
Jae-young nodded. He wanted to tell Seung-hyun not to determine his feelings as he pleased, but his thoughts changed as he watched Seung-hyun mumbling, forgetting to even get angry.
If they hadn’t met, there would have been no need to feel pain like now. For a moment, the two had the same thought. The happy memories were making each other more painful.
“……”
Jae-young staggered with a slightly shocked face. Until a moment ago, he had the momentum to not leave until he got an answer, but now he had a face that had lost all motivation.
“…Meet a better person. Don’t cling to a relationship that has ended.”
Seung-hyun, who had difficulty spitting out words that were half sincere and half lies, passed by Jae-young. Until Seung-hyun’s bedroom door closed after passing through the corridor, Jae-young just stood there without any movement.